


Roadtrip of Understanding

by rhiner



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Lots of Angst, Mutual Pining, Natsuki/Yuri POV, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Roadtrip Fic, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:49:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28752432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhiner/pseuds/rhiner
Summary: "I want to be friends with Yuri, but something about her makes my blood boil... I wan-""You should go on a roadtrip with her!""...What?"[on hiatus]
Relationships: Monika & Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heh.  
> so ive been reading too much of this stuff, and there isnt enough ddlc content.  
> #REVIVEDDLCCONTENT
> 
> first chapters were made on mobile, so please excuse shitty formatting  
> 

The literature club was always a safe haven for me, but I knew it's protection wouldn't last long. I would have to go home soon, and face him for the next 10 hours of my life.

Joy. 

I sat in the back of the room, staring at the back of Yuri's head. Sayori was talking to Monika right beside me, but I couldn't hear her.

 _Her purple hair fell over her shoulders, down to the small of her back... it must smell ni_ -  
Woah. Where did that come from? Get over yourself, Nat.

Sayori scoots her chair over to me, and bumps into my arm.  
"Whatcha thinkin' about?"  
"Wha-" My face had heated up. Not good. "N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"  
"You suuuuure?" Sayori saw right through me. This is bad. Really bad.  
"Y-Yeah!"

Sayori stared straight into my eyes. I started sweating.   
She knew she knew she knew she knew she kne-  
"Okay... I'll believe you."  
Thank the lord! Or whatever asshole was looking down at us from his chair up there. Either one, doesn't matter.

"So, do you have any plans for the weekend?" Sayori continued to look at me, cheerfully.  
It kind of annoyed me, to be honest.  
"No."

"Oh! In that case, we could go somewhere! How about that ice cream place that opened a while ago? I heard that their stuff is really good!"  
Sayori continued to ramble about the ice cream, but I had stopped listening. I was staring at Yuri again.

 _What kind of shampoo does Yuri use? It makes her hair look beautiful. What would it feel like in my hand? Surely it would be soft and smooth and smell nice like he-_  
"You sure you aren't thinkin' about anything?"

"Y-YEAH! I'M OKAY!"  
I coughed.  
"Y-Yeah. Perfectly okay. Fine and dandy. J-Just peachy."  
Yuri had turned around and looked at me funnily.  
"...A-Are you oka-" She sounded concerned. That only annoyed me.

"Yeah. Go back to reading your stupid book."  
She looked hurt, and I immediately felt bad.  
_I wanted to run up to her and hold her tight and apologize a thousand times over god I was such an idiot how could I do this-_

Cool it, Nat. You don't even like her. You and Yuri are far too different to even be friends-  
_But you l-_  
NOPE. NOT GOING DOWN THAT PATH.  
Christ. I really am losing it, huh?

"...Nat?"  
"Y-Yeah?" I look over at Sayori. Her face is blank, but her eyes are filled with concern.  
"Can you come with me for a sec? It'll be real quick, I promise!"  
"I mean... oka-" 

Sayori grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the room, Monika and Yuri watching. 

Sayori continued to drag me down the hall, and took us into the washrooms.   
Her grip was tight around my wrist, and it hurt a little.  
"Sayori, you can let go now!"  
"Oh! Sorry. Eheh..." She frees my arm from her hand, and I rub my wrist.  
"What do yo-"

"There's something going on between you and Yuri. Everyone's noticed, Nat... I-I don't expect an answer, but you can tell me what's going on. Please?"  
They know.   
_They know._  
"It'll hurt the club if you two keep arguing like this..."  
Sayori looks so... sad? Disappointed? Or both of those emotions? I don't know. All I know is that those emotions don't fit on her face.

"...F-Fuck. I'll... I'll tell you."  
Her eyes light up at that.   
"Really?!"  
"...Yeah."  
The girl pulls me into a bonecrushing hug. "Thank you so much!" She squeezed. It hurt my lungs.  
"S-S... Sayo-"

"Sorry!" She lets go of me, and I take a deep breath. "Okay! Tell me. What's going on?"  
A better question would be what's not going on. I don't even know myself. But, I have to tell Sayori now.

"Honestly? I... I don't know. I want to be friends with Yuri, but something about her makes my blood boil... I wan-" _t to kiss her forever until she pulls away and stares at me with those eye-_  
Nope.  
"Oh! Oh, oh oh oh! I know how you feel!"  
"...You do?"  
"Yep, and I know the perfect solution!"  
How...? There's a solution to this? I'm fully listening to her now. This has to be good-  
"You should go on a roadtrip with her!"  
"...What?"


	2. Are we the waiting?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heh

"A roadtrip? Really?" How... how was that supposed to help me and Yuri?!  
"Yep! That's what me and Monika did when we were fighting, just take an old fashioned road trip and work things out!"  
This girl...  
"How can you possibly be this stupid?"

"Hey! It worked!" Natsuki pouted. "And now me and Moni are the bestest of friends!"  
"Bestest isn't a word, Sayori."  
"It is in my world!"

I sighed. "Okay. So, lets say that I agreed to this. I only have my learners permit, I'd need someone capable of driving to be with me-"  
"Oh, Yuri has a license!"  
...Huh?  
"Since when?"  
"'Dunno! But she does."

That... damnit. She's convincing me to do this.   
"...Fine. I'll do it."  
Sayori pumped her arm. "Yes! I knew I could get you into it!"  
"Don't act so excited. It'll probably be bad."

"That's... kind of the point. It's to get you two to understand each other, even if you argue the whole way through."  
That actually kind of makes sense. But I would never say it to her face. I instead scoffed.  
"Sure... whatever."  
"Alrighty! Now you go ask Yuri!" Sayori turned me around and pushed me out of the bathrooms, back towards the club room.

When we got back, we heard Monika and Yuri talking to each other.  
"...with her? I-I was just a-asking if she was o-okay..." It sounded like Yuri was crying. My heart instantly shattered, her crying acting like a knife through my back. It was so... quiet. And subdued.  
"You have to be careful when talking to Nat... and that's why this roadtrip will help."  
You've got to be fucking kidding me.   
"(You PLANNED this?!)" I'm whisper-yelling at Sayori, absolutely furious. She shrugs with a mischievious smirk on her face. 

"...Y-You're absolutely..." I hear Yuri sniffle, and clear her throat. "Y-You're absolutely sure that this will work?"  
"Yeah! Me and Sayori did it, and we're just fine now."  
"One hundred percent p-positive?"  
"One hundred and one percent positive."  
"...O-Okay. I'll... I-I'll ask her."  
"Do you want a tissue?"  
"P-Please."

I hear a chair scraping across the floor, and Monika shuffling around inside the room.  
"T-Thank you."  
"Anytime."

Sayori opens the club door, loudly announcing our return.   
"We're back!" The girl rushed to Monika, quickly whispering into the club presidents ear. Monika gains a small smile after hearing... whatever Sayori just told her.  
I grab my phone (a beaten up flip-phone) and look at the time. 4:00 PM. Another 20 minutes of hell on earth. Yay.

I hadn't noticed, but Monika and Sayori had left the room, and Yuri was in front of me.   
_She smelt nice. What kind of perfu_ -  
Don't get horny in front of her, you goddamn freak. I feel my face heat up. Yuri's mouth is moving, but I can't hear her. My eyes have transfixed themselves onto her lips.  
 _Her lips look kissable. Very kissable. Would she like it if I bit her bottom li-_

"-suki? C-Can you hear me...?" Her hand moved up to her heart, closed. She looked cute.   
"H-Huh? Y-Yeah! I m-mean... yeah. I can hear you. What were you saying?"

"D-Do you want... to-"  
"Go on that roadtrip?"  
Yuri gasped. "H-How did-"  
"Yuri, they planned this, y'know. Sayori talked to me about it."  
"...A-Ah." She stopped looking at me, suddenly interested in the chalkboard.   
"...D-Do you want... t-to... uhm..."  
"Go on it? Yeah... sure." Her constant stuttering and pausing was starting to get on my nerves, but I couldn't lash out yet.   
_I don't want to hear her cry ever again_.  
Finally, that voice is speakin' facts.

Yuri, on the other hand, looked absolutely overjoyed.  
"O-Okay...! I-I can drive... unless, you want to...?"  
"I only have my learners permit, and I haven't left the city before. We could take turns driving?"  
"...That's... I can agree to that."  
"Alright, it's settled. When're you gonna pick me up?"  
"...I-I was thinking 5 AM? Tomorrow?"  
Does she know about my father? Is that why the time is so early?  
No. She must just want to start as soon as possible. Probably to get over with it as soon as possible, actually.

"Alright. I can do that."   
A plan starts forming in my head.


	3. Say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny story, i was writing chapter 3 on discord because trying to write on mobile ao3 is like sticking your dick in a blender  
> anyway so i tried sending the message so i could copy it here and it ended up crashing my phone  
> :)
> 
> also dont ask how yuri has her drivers license and how natsuki even gained a learners permit with her father in the picture, i dont know either

Opening the door to my "home", my nose was assaulted with the smell of days old alcohol and moldy food. I tried to suppress the gag that came, but it forced its way through my throat. Thankfully, he wasn't home, and wouldn't be until the morning.  
Running up the stairs I crashed into my room and slammed the door behind me, and taking deep breaths. This was the one decent smelling place in the entire house, and I could properly breathe in here.  
  
Falling onto my bed, I stared at the white ceiling of my room, and was interrupted by my stomach practically screaming at me, and it dawned on me. I haven't eaten since yesterday.  
The hunger pangs hurt so bad, but I had no food to quiet my stomach. So it continued its assault on my body, making me feel like I was going to split in two from the pain. Curling up into a ball didn't help much either.  
I turned to my bedside table, and in a haze opened the drawer, taking out the melatonin bottle hidden inside it. I stole it from the pharmacy a few blocks away once, and I didn't really regret it.  
  
I opened the bottle up, putting two pills into my hand and downing them instantly. I closed up the bottle and hid it back in my drawer, turning back to my wall. Closing my eyes, I waited for sleep to claim me.  
  
It never did.  
I lied there for 4 hours, with nothing happening. I heard father come in at some point, and the TV was on. I started to think about how hungry I was. That only resulted in my stomach remembering that it was supposed to be trying to kill me, and that was just _great_.  
I tried thinking about where me and Yuri were going. That didn't really go anywhere, I can't read the future.  
So I thought about Yuri.  
Her nice... hair. Her well-kept fingernails, _her beautiful lips_.  
I didn't stop the thoughts this time. I thought about frankly degenerate things about her, and somewhere along the way, I had started to softly sob.

* * *

_We sat side by side in the literature club room. She was reading the_ ~~Prkgofet fmn Minfec~~ _, and I was reading_ ~~Prftinghb Gkmn~~ _. Our arms were together, and Yuri's arm was warm. It was so warm it warmed my entire body. It felt nice. I felt safe.  
"...Darling." Yuri turned to me, looking down at me. It felt strange to have a _~~LGFMB~~ _that was taller than me, but it didn't really matter to me.  
"Yeah?"  
"Aren't we... supposed to be doing something today?" I thought about that for a while.  
"...Mmm, I don't think so."  
"Hmph. Guess it was just my imagination." Yuri turned back to her book.  
I turned back to mine, and stared at nothing.  
Wait...  
I remember this edition perfectly. It was #JG. #KJ? #NF?!  
I can't read it?!  
Hold... wait...  
_Humans can't read in their dreams.  
I looked over at Yuri, and I found a knife stuck in her stomach. She had bled out hours ago, judging from her pale skin. She was mumbling something, still.  
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̧̧̧̢̠̣͓̱̘̟͓̬͎̯͉̲͕̞̣͉̼͇̯̰͍̩̭̳̳̩̠͜͜u̴̢̢̧̧̦̦͈͇̺̙͎͙͓͖̟͔̥͇̮͋͗̔̈́̂͌̌͋̓͐́̌͑̑̑̐̿͊̓̾̈̈́̎̓̓̈́̕̚͝͠͠ͅp̶̢̧̡̭̣̩̥̺͎̘̗̩̰̖̥̗̹͖̻̦̲͙̪̫̠̮̜̍͊̈́̏̈̌̊͑̋̐͝ͅͅw̷̧̡̨͇͈͍̥͔̩̗͕̤̪̻̘̜̪̖̥̜͙̩̳̫͕̝̞͍̥̯͔̪͖͉̪̰̦̠̲̺̩̬̙͇̰͈̙͔͗̉̐̃̔͘͜͜ͅͅâ̸̢̹͉̯̖̣̫̦̞̪̣̺͎̗͚͕̱̩̞̻̭̜̣̬̭̓ͅk̴̡̢̛̘̣̠͙̼̼̮̖͉̻̜͖̙̫͖͔̖̘̯̹̟̖̲̲͙͙̞͍̗͚̪͉͓̩̣͓͖͚̥͔̽̂̌͑́̎͂̅͛̓̍̎̈́͋͋͗̈́̃̈́̂̽̇͋̃̈́͒̿̒̊̌͑̾̂̈̕̕̕͘͝ͅͅę̶̧̢̨̡̰͇͚̞̬͔̺͔̰̮͔̝͓̞̝̭̠̜̦̰͔̦͈͖̰̰̫̞͖̩̭̳͎͎͚́̈́͜͜͝ͅų̷̛̪̪̞̦͋̇̂͐̌̄̌̔̓̈́̀̊̽͑̓̽̐̅̓̒̄͌̅͑̔̈̋͗͆̈́̉̄̑͂̉̃̋͗̑͐̚̚̚͘̚͠͝p̷̧̧̢̢̪͍̟͖͖̹̫̫̙̫̠̪͙̬̝͓̤̲͈͎̫̠̩͔̜̍͆̀͂̇̄̊͜͜͠ͅẅ̷̩̟̭̖́̈̇̊̈̒̿́̉̈́̊̽̋̌̔̿̿̐̀̾̈̒̂̚̚͠ͅà̵̡̢̨̡̛̛̠̹̝̺̯̯̻̼̟̝̗̯̻͙̗̜̪͍͉̖̞͇̞̘̗̪̜͍͖̖̯̊͗̃̚ͅķ̵̛̲̪̪͚͙̜̟̗̹̤̯̭̼͉̗̅́͌̅̏̽́́̾͑͛̓̊̀̂̈́̋̍̓̆͐̄̉̇̉͋͌̋̔̃̉̚̚͘͠͠͠͝͝͠ȩ̷̢̡̛̛̛̥͖̯͔̘͓̙̪̥̰̮̣̒̽̏͐̅͂̌͌͛̏̊̀̈̈́̈́̅͂́͊̑̏͐̅̋̃͜͠͝͠ų̵̢͚͚͈̻̱͔͙̱̉̑͜͠ͅp̸̡̛͍̗͖̩̘͔̘̼̟̹̰̖͕͓̮̯̗̘̣̔͊̅̈́̿̋̽̊͑̀̍̈́̈́͑̎̇̉͗̈̌͗̈́̍̎̑̾͗̽͋̓͑̈́̈̅̏̈́͋͘͘͘̕ͅw̸̧͔̖͕͈̳̪̣̬̝̼̱̥̠̫͚̉͗̈́̑̅̾̑͂̽̎͗͊̂̐͐̑͘a̷̢̧̡̢̲̰̜̖̬̙̬͖̻̲̘̱͖̳̯̤͖͚̮̪̝͓̞̥̫̻̥̤̭̜͙̰̠̥̤͍̯̝̣̰͕̯͛̒͋̒̉̇͑́̌̋͗͌͛̀̚͜͝ḵ̸̢̡̡͍̜̙̼͖͖̘̙̫͈͍̱̟͎̺̝̉̽̏́̏̎͊̀́͆͗́̊̓̍̉͐̄̈́̾̂̅̑͑̕̕̕̕͠ẽ̷̡̨̛͚̞͖̤̩̩̼͉̣̯̩̞͎̘̞̳̠̥̭̗̥̗͙̰̮̬̬͔̥̒̊̑̑̑͋̎͋̋͒̃̒́͒̑͛̂͒̅̎̉̉͐̽͐̇̚͘̚̕͜͝ͅȕ̵̢͇̘͔͇̩͇̘̜̺̫̫̝̦̖̲̻̺̼̳̤̳̖̬̝̱̣͒͒̎͊͗̊̇͛͆́̀̓̃̑̓̕̚͜͜͜͠͝͝͝ͅṕ̸̖̦̉̆́̽̎͐͊̎̾̕͘͝͝w̵̧̮̹̦̝̘̜͇͔͙̿͗̒̈̍̿̔͐̕a̵̧͉̩̘̪͉̮̥̣̹͙̦̼̼̬͇̺͇̘̟̖̙̟̼̖̦̪̩͍̜̮͖͍̦̼͙̖̩͎̗̘̠̻̟̔̿̋͌̓͋̉͑́́͐͊̐̇̎͂̏̿̑̏͌̀̓̍̉͆̍̋̑̂̕͜͜͝ͅͅk̷̢̛̞̭̺͉̥̯͚͈̪̦̹̗̐͋̂̐̑̆͂͛͑̍̋̈̂͑͐̍̓̾̈̔͑͗̅͘͠͝͝ͅë̸̹͙̫̞͕͔̩͓́̒̔͛̐̌̒́̉̓̐̾̕̕̚u̴̧̡̡͓̯̲̪̫̖͎̻̗̙̭͖̱̠̰̩̺̖͖͉̹̻̹͚̠͖̘̩̝̥̥̣̲̹͚͌̃̆̅̔̽̒̍̃̀̊̍̚͘p̵̡͚͈͚̮̹̳͔̜̲̰̣̼͙̺͙̗̹̋̔͒̅̆̽̏̇̂̌͐͌̽͆͗̊͑̈́͋́̃̏̂͒̈́̂͋̈́̎̇̑͛̇̈́̈͘͝͝͠w̴̨̡̧̧̡̧̨̼̤̝̫͔̪̟̩̱̫̝̜͇̝͉̳̯͔̼̺͙͙̼̗̥̪̓̂̑͛̕̚̕͠a̶̰̝͔̦̫̾̔̈́̌̈́̅͂̏̆̒̈́̈́̕͠k̸͍̫͕̠̱͔̻͓͇͚͉̱̱̥̣̩̋̋̎͌̅̋̀̊̒̊̾́͋̅̐͐̈̋͛̉̚̚͘͠͠ę̵̛̛̛̣͖͈̩̫̮̯̰̖͂̆̔̄̽̄̓̾͊̈́̿̾̐̇̀͗̃̉̍̓͆̇̍̌͊̋͒̆̃̄̑̃̔̊̓̾̇̋̕̚͘͝͝͝͠ͅų̴̡̡͕̣͚̘̮̗̳̝͍̩̲̲̲̘̥̝̯̖͚̱͎̗̫̇͋͛͌͂̏̃͊̒̒̋̋̌͂͜ͅp̸̧̭̖̦̘͎̤͍͕̣͕̖̟͕̪̱͓̤͐̆͑͊̈́͛̐͋̍͋̆̄̾͌͆͐̓̾̈͑̅͂̔͜͝͠͠ͅw̴̧̢̨̹͖̹̬͎͔̪̼̤̦͖͉̤̠̰̺̣̞͙̺̹͉̝͙̘̱̱̮̙̠̭͙͕͙̗̹͔͎̳͚͗̍̈́̄̈́͛̏̓͒̀̃̚͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͝͝ͅa̶̛͙̞̬͎͉͎̩͓͙̓̂̽̋̂̊̋̒̅̓͛̍͗̋͜͜͠k̶̡̛̛̛̲̱̝̥̞̲͔͙̰͍̠͉͖̘͓̝̺͓͙̥͚̞̤̹͓̯͈̲͉̰̠̰̜̜͆͋̽̒͋͂̃̃͋̍̈́͒̇̐̾̈͊͗̐̍̊͌̈́̈́͌̈́̃͘̕̚̚̚͝͝͝͝͝ͅe̸̢̢̨̧̥̩͓̦̥̮̭̣̗̩̰̞̲͕̜̰̝̻͕̥̟͍͍̲͔̥̻͚̦̰͙̫͉̜̝͈̪̬͉̹̻̱̰̰͑͋́͊̊̆̆̈͒̈́̈́̉̄͘͜͜͠ͅu̸̢̡̢̧͓͕̫̠͇̟̪͇͉͕̞̦̻̰̲̼̩̥̙̗̣̼͈̱̖̪̮̳̯̙̤̰̖͈̖̙͓̱̥̟̥͊̇͜͜͝ͅp̵̨̧̨̧̡̛̛̝̗̤̘̭̝̫̤̻̮̳̱̖̻̤͙͓̙͓̬͍̠̮̤͓͓̳̞̖͉̟̺͐̓̿́̀̐̾̌̃͋͗̅͂̎̾͑̉̀͊̏̒͊̎̊̃̔̉͆̋̅͘̕͠͝ͅͅw̸̢̡̛̙̹̰̯͈̮͓̳̳̙̬̥̩̥͇͓͚̹̻͕̹̻̬͖̺̠͍͓̙͈̝̙͎̃͂͂͂̽̋̇̑̐̒͒͐̄̅͌̉̇̋̑́̈́̃̈̐̔͗̆̚̕͘̚̕͘͠͝ͅą̷̛͖̭̹̞̻͎͓͕̻̦̮̦̝͔̗̤͍͕̈́̐̍̓̎̍̈́̓̊̂̉́̾̇̑̔̇̊̿̚͝ķ̵̟͉̭̟̻̲͇̳̠̜̙̝̯͉̰̤̖̣̺̥̺̻̹͉͙͉͓̼͍̫̥̩̟̫̒̾͋͜ͅe̸̡̧̧̧̛̩͓͇̗̮̣̹̖̖̣̳̦̣̱̯̥̳̤͎̬͙̞̯͑̄͊͒͒̽̀̅́͋̀̾̊̚̕͠ũ̶̼̥͓̒̈́̇̈̉̍̈̌̈́̉́̏̎̓́̓̃́̃̒͐͋̅̏̐͘͘͜p̷̢̢̨̢̡̨̛̛͕̱͉͓͉͚̝̘̝͎̘͎̭̪̘͖̻̫̘̦̜͇̻͔͉̪͉̭̟͚̅̂͂̒̔̆͂̾͛̐̈́͌͌̇͌̈̊̓̓̓͆̊̉̀͒̎̉̽̐͒̑̓̇͘̚͘͘͜ͅw̷̱̫̝̥̻̹͙͋͛̑̈́̈̍̄̈́̂̆̽̾͊̊̈́̂̀̚͝͝ͅä̴̢̡̢̢̢̡̨͙̙̖̺̮̩̙̹̞̲̫͙̞̪̼̰̫̝̪̟͍̱̪̯̺̘̺̤̯̻̦̫̩͇̦̗́́͋͂̊̎̾̈́̈́̍̒̕̚̚̚͜͜͝͝ͅk̷̨̨̜͕̟̫͗̾͊̒͋͒̐͆́̆̎̓̋̎̉͌̌̋̏̽͑͋͗̿̈̒̔̈́̌̕̚͝͝͝ę̸̼̲̬̩̞̰͙̲͈̣̮̙͕͔̰̦̭̦̈́̍̒̽͑̽͆̓̄̓͌͛̓͒̋̾͑͆̊̉̊̉̉̍̈͒͐́̈͐̂̄̀͘̕͜͝͝͝ͅų̴̢̢̧̡̤͎̣͔͔͇̣̣̫͈̻͍̼͚͔̞͓̙̜̥̖̤͈̫̜̞̬̗͚̗͙͕̱̔̈͐̚͜ͅͅp̸̛̛̻̮̈́̃̊̃̊̆͌́̋̋̐͊̈͆͒̒̊̕ẉ̸̛͔̦͇͉̙̱͎̳̤̭͖̲̭̦̭̩̲̹̬̖̥̯̳͉͙̝̻̻̼̻͙̗̫̄̂̀̔̐̒͑̐̄̀̉̃̀͑̌̒̀͑͊̀̓͗͛̎̃̈̆̆̐̽̉͘̕͝a̸̢̢̢̡̨̼̗̭͚̰̼̙̟̜̹̥̦̜̦̳̪̳̠͔͎͓̤͛̿͗̈́̔̈́̑͋͛́̃̐̑͛̊͗̓͛̇̚̕͝͠͝k̷̡̫̣̙̠̗̞̖̱̹̻̘̭͚̘̻̭̩͖̥̬̤͚̱̖̭̥͉̪͋̋͜e̸̡̡̛̤̣͚̱̤̠͕̠̼̪͓̰̪͕̥̣̲̫͍͂͒̃̌̐̾̀͊̾̔̑̔̑̍̍̔̐̐̌̽̀̒͌̐̑͒͗̔̏̾͊̔͊͘̚͘͘̕͝͠͝u̸̢̡̡̡͓̩̦͍̺̳̬̣̮͚̟̣̩̩͍̭̲̪̘̹͍̠̣͍̪̣̼͈̝̓̇̈́͑̈́̏͛̒͌͑͗͂̏̚̚͘̕̕͜͝͠͠ͅp̸̨̢̦͎̞̩͓̹͇̼̯̠̱̹͓͌̔͑͗͋͑̑͂͑͂͠͠"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat, nearly screaming. I caught myself, though. (Was that a bad thing, that I'm able to catch myself and not scream if I wake up?) I looked at my clock and saw that it was 5 AM. For a while, the number meant nothing to me.  
Then I panicked.  
  
Minutes later, I had changed clothes into something more casual, and had packed what I needed for the trip. Clothes, my belongings and money (though combined they weren't a lot). My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I heard a car pull up to the house.  
_Yuri. Beautiful, graceful Yuri, coming to save me from my hellscape. My heart flutters-_  
Alright, calm down Shakespeare. 'Fluttered'? Was that even a word I've used before? Christ.  
  
I couldn't go out the front door, father was still awake and the TV was on. So, Plan B started. I turned to the window.  
Opening the window slowly as to not alert father, I opened it just enough to where I could fit through. Hefting my bag (that wasn't heavy), I set it on the windowsill, and pushed it over. I watched it fall down, and it hit the ground with a weak _whumph._  
Next up: me.  
  
I got myself onto the windowsill, and thought about how father would most certainly beat me if he saw me, saying something about how "I was trying to escape". Mentally, I had blocked other punishments, but if I got caught now, it'd be over for me.  
That thought pushed me to jump out the window.  
I fell and hit the ground with a solid _thump_. Groaning, I turned in the damp grass to look at the sunrise.  
"...My head hurts..."  
  
The phone in my pocket buzzed again, and I remembered what I was doing.  
Getting up, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, and ran out to the front of the house. There, was a dark blue Civic waiting. Through the passenger side window, I saw Yuri holding a newer phone in her hands, texting me rapidly, and her other hand was near her mouth as she was chewing her fingernails.  
  
Wow. What a dork. My phone buzzed more, and I tapped on the window.  
Yuri immediately jumped, whipping her head to look at me, fear in her eyes. Yet, she visibly deflated at seeing me peering through the window. I heard the car make an audible click and I opened the door. getting in.  
  
"H-Hello, Natsuki. I thought that you had f-forgotten about this, or..." The 'didn't bother to come' hung in the air, unsaid.  
"C'mon, you really see me as someone who would make plans and then blow them off immediately? Please." I'm already getting irritated. Cool it, Nat...  
Then, the worst thing happened.  
My stomach growled loudly.  
  
I looked at Yuri fearfully, but...  
She giggled softly. I immediately started blushing and turned my head away. "W-What's so funny?! Huh?!"  
"Nothing. I suppose we should get breakfast, hm? I'm feeling rather hungry, too."

"...O-Okay..."  
_God this woman._


	4. Future hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mcdonalds' food sucks and ive channeled that through natsuki

Isn't this the life? Sitting in a McDonalds' at 5 in the morning with someone you want to be friends with but secretly think about very sexual and disgusting things about her?   
It's great.  
Not.  
We sat from across each other, eating the garbage "food" that they served here. (But it was the only food I've eaten in over 2 days. Be thankful, you ungrateful fuck.)  
  
I just realized that Yuri was talking, so I tuned in to what she was saying.  
"...we should stop by here, too, because I heard the view was nice." She was looking down at her phone, having it horizontal while it showed a map of where we lived, and a path that went... very far outside the city.  
"Then, we start heading back. Is this acceptable?"  
I pressed my fingers to her phone's screen, and zoomed out. 

"...One hell of a trip, huh? 4 days..."  
"O-Oh... did I-I overdo it?" Whatever confidence the purple-haired girl had gained while talking was instantly squandered, and she sounded pretty damn shy right now. _I wanted to take her face into my hands and str-_  
Control yourself.  
"N-No, not at all. I think it'll be... nice. Hopefully."  
I could tell that my tone didn't exactly instill confidence into Yuri about her plan.  
I left it be.  
  
Looking back at the map, I noticed that she hadn't marked out any convenience stores or hotels anywhere. I mentioned this to her.  
"A-Ah... uhm. I-I was thinking if we needed to go to o-one, we could go find one... marking out every step of the j-journey makes it less fun..." Yuri started absentmindedly twirling her long hair with her fingers. As much as I wanted to fixate myself on the action, I tore my eyes away and stared intensely at her phone.  
  
"That makes sense. I'll... trust your judgment, then." I gave her a smirk, to hopefully _~~make her smile~~_ give her some confidence. Definitely that one.  
  
Thankfully, it works, and a small smile worms its way onto Yuri's face.  
 _Its so quiet but its so bright. How can this woman radiate so much light passively?_  
We're moving on, Inner Horny.  
"O-Okay. Shall we get moving, then...?"  
"Sure."

* * *

The road is so fucking boring. Who would have guessed?   
We haven't even left the city yet, and I'm bored out of my mind. I had half a mind to ask Yuri for her phone to see if she had any games there, I was that bored. But I'm not desperate.  
Yet.  
We had been making some mindless chatter for the last hour, when I remembered what Sayori had said to me.  
 _"It's to get you two to understand each other, even if you argue the whole way through."_   
  
So... I guess it was time to start getting into The Shit, huh? I wondered how I should phrase this to her, so I went silent for a while.  
"Nats-"  
"Yur-"  
"..."  
"S-Sorry."  
"No, it's okay. Go ahead."  
"N-No, I insist. What were you going to say...?"  
  
I sighed.  
"Before you came and got me... I had a dream."  
"Oh... what was it about?"  
"U-Uhm..." ~~wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup~~ "W-We were in the club room." How should I do this?  
Leave out the part about us being close. Obviously, that could never be said. The books? Yeah. Okay. Her... last words...? We'll see. ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~   
"Y-You know how we can't read in our sleep?"  
  
"...Mhm..."  
"W-Well, we were reading next to each other, and I tried looking at your book. Couldn't read it, obviously. You spoke up about how you thought we were supposed to be doing something, and then I looked at my book. Couldn't read that, either. I realized somethin' was up... I remembered the damn thing enough that I could visualize what it looked like..."  
I looked at Yuri, and it looked like she had seen a ghost. She was pale and was sweating really hard.   
_Would she mind if I lic-_ ~~~~  
 ~~wakeupwakeup~~  
THAT'S JUST DISGUSTING.   
(It is.)  
 _Is it though, when you're just trying to comfort one you lo-_ ~~~~  
(It's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.)  
 ~~wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup  
~~ what's going on? ~~  
~~(You should just get out of the car right now and splatter yourself against the concrete. It'd save you both the trouble.)  
 _That's an awful idea! A good way to scar your beloved for life.  
_ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup~~ _  
_why am i like this?  
 ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeup **wakeup**~~  
 _(You're an awful person, anyway. Wouldn't matter. I think she'd be thankful.)_  
 _No!  
_ why did we stop moving?  
 ~~ **wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup  
**~~ i smell yuri's perfume  
 _ ** ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup  
~~**_ she's close  
 _ ** ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~**_ _ ** ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~**_ _ ** ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~**_ _ ** ~~wakeu~~**_ ** ~~pwak~~** ~~eupwakeup~~ _ ~~wakeupwakeupwakeup~~ ** ~~  
~~**_calm down  
 ~~wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup  
  
~~ (Way to go, having a panic attack in her car! Trash.)  
 _Please be_ _quiet!_  
why can't you be quiet   
~~natsuki~~  
why can't you all be quiet and leave me be  
(You know that you're living, breathing human trash. Why don't you just be quiet and let the adults talk about it?)  
 _Please leave her alone!_ ~~~~  
 ~~natsuki it's okay  
~~ (Why don't you take that knife right out of that nightmare you had and stab it between your eyes? Ooh, or better yet, stab it into your eyes! That'd be a fun family activity, right?!)  
 _LEAVE HER ALONE  
_ (SHUT UP WHORE)  
 ~~natsuki if you can hear me or feel me just breathe in time with me, okay?~~  
i feel someone against me  
who is it?  
where am i?  
am i crying?  
 ~~it'll be okay natsuki, i'm righ~~ t here.  
"Just breathe with me, alright? You can do that for me. Three seconds for breathing in, two for breathing out. Repeat that with me, alright?"  
1  
2  
3...  
4  
5

We pulled over. Yuri is straddling me, hugging me. She smells nice. I'm crying. She's breathing. I'll breathe with her. Sounds fun. She breathes in for three seconds, and breathes out for two.   
...  
...  
...  
...  
Wait, Yuri is straddling me? I'm crying. What's going on? What-  
"Shh. It's okay. I don't know what happened, but you don't have to say anything right now."  
That sounds like the best idea anyone's had in a while.   
Her arms are warm. She's warm. She makes me feel warm. I feel safe.

* * *

I slowly wake up. Yuri's straddling me still.  
"Mh... Y-Yuri..."  
Yuri jerks around.  
"A-Ah! I'm s-sorry. I-I'll get-"  
"No..." My face is in her shoulder, and I can only smell her. Is this heaven? Did we die? "Just... stay..."  
"...A-Alright..."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i guess this is now liable to have panic attacks as a tag, huh?  
> let me know if i overdid the panic attack scene, ive never had one but ive had it described to me in a pretty visceral way


	5. Old scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ythink i overdid it last chapter?  
> :)  
> yuri pov until the first break

A few minutes later, Natsuki's breathing has returned to normal.  
I was so scared.  
She requested that I stay with her, however.  
This position can't be comfortable for her. I must be cutting off blood circulation to her legs. I tried shifting around, just to alleviate the numbness in her legs, but she just held onto me tighter.  
I stayed still from then.  
  
I looked out the car window, and out toward the highway. Vehicles went by without knowing about the crisis ongoing within this car. Thank the lord none of them stopped to try to see if they could help us.  
More time passed. Natsuki's grip had loosened on me again, and I could hear her softly breathing. Sleeping again.  
I felt the smile creep up on me. This is the least I can do for Natsuki, especially when she just started... crying. It had frightened me at first, and then she started screaming nonsense. I pulled over shortly after, and for a while did nothing but stare at her as the panic attack wracked her frame.  
  
I didn't know when I did it, but I had unbuckled myself and got on top of Natsuki. She visibly calmed down at the added weight, so I started to hug her.  
Slowly, she started to come back, and now here we are.  
As much as I would like to stay in my position... we had to keep moving. At least to the first stop.  
So I peeled myself from her small frame, ensured that both of us were buckled, and I started to drive once again.

* * *

The first thing I noticed was Yuri was missing from me. Where she had sat was still warm, and for a while I rested my hands in the pools of heat. Then, I opened my eyes, and we were moving again.  
I groaned.  
"You're awake."  
"Y-Yeah..."  
  
We both stayed silent for a while, not wanting to talk about what just transpired.  
"...Natsuki... if you want to talk about it, you can-"  
"Not right now."  
"..."  
I felt a little guilty, especially after Yuri had helped me through that, but I think I need the silence.  
"...But I'll tell you about it. L-Later, I mean."  
"Oh. O-Okay. A gas station is coming up, if you need to do anything or need anything..."  
"...Okay."  
  
We sat in silence as Yuri drove the car.  
"..."  
"I-If you want to... I could give you my phone and use the auxiliary cable..."  
"Auxiliary? Yuri, c'mon. Say it normally."  
"H-Huh? Isn't that how you say it, though?"  
"It's the aux cable, Yuri."  
  


"Ah. W-Well, if you want to use the... aux cable, then you can." Yuri took out her phone with one hand, and handed it over to me.  
Powering on the screen, I saw her background. It was a picture of me, Sayori, and Monika in the club room. When did she...? Meh, whatever. But aside from that, I was kind of at a loss. I don't know how to use these things...  
"It's Spotify. The green one in the bottom right."  
"O-Oh. I knew that."  
  
I tapped the green lookin' thing, and found a bunch of playlists.  
"Play whatever you want."  
_Her voice sounded so soft. I want to wrap myself in it like a blanket._  
Oh no, we aren't doing this shit again so early. Piss off.  
Even if that was... true.  
  
I played a random playlist called "soft vibes".  
The music filled the car with a different kind of feeling. One that wasn't as... oppressive.  
I liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im done writing this for the day, ill continue tomorrow  
> please! leave criticisms in the comments! they help me as a writer! or leave whatever you want in the comments! its fun to read them


	6. Hydrogen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hm today i will remember yuris schtick  
> cutting, you know the deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh  
> natsuki/yuri pov

Yuri pulled us into the gas station, and we both stepped out of the small Civic. It had gotten a little cramped for a while, and we both needed to stretch. Yuri, especially, because as soon as she stood and stretched her spine it made a loud crack. She groaned after it, seemingly satisfied.  
Yuri shuffled over to the gas pump, and grabbed the pump, fiddling with the machine. I just kind of... stood around. The smell of gasoline made me wrinkle my nose, but I've smelt worse. Yuri started to dig around in her pockets and gave me some money.  
  
"You can use this to buy what you wish, Natsuki. Keep in mind that I do want some water, so if you could get me that it would be greatly appreciated." Her way of talking kind of irritated me now that she was speaking in full sentences. (Do you really only care for her looks, and hate it when she speaks?)  
Huh? What was that? Can't hear you over me not caring. "Alright, Socrates, I'll get you your water." I walked away from Yuri, and into the convenience store.

* * *

Socrates? Really. Well, I suppose I deserve it after the way I have been speaking to her. I sound far too formal, even in my own thoughts. Perhaps that's why she lashes out at me? Or is it something else?  
Answers in due time, Yuri. You cannot force this out of her.  
I realized what I had been doing, and quickly let go of the gas pump's trigger. Staring at the price, I sighed in relief. I came to my senses just in time.  
I pushed my debit card into the card insert, and subsequently paid for the gas, setting the pump back in its normal place.

My arm started to tingle, and I started to scratch it, just to hopefully sate it. It didn't do much, however. Looking around, I ensured nobody was around to witness my bare arm and slid the sleeve down.  
My arm was covered in long red lines, covered by thin bandages. These ones were longer and much more desperate, as I had been... "stressed" about this roadtrip. One cut that I had failed to properly bandage had started to scab. I picked at it and gained small relief from the blood leaking from it.

I knew it was irrational. I knew it made me look like a freak, yet I never stopped. I could not decipher whether or not it was a coping mechanism or a fetish, as it acted as one or the other, or even as one before. I practiced regular safety, as I was not suicidal.  
I pushed my sleeve back to cover the red lines and made my way around the back of the convenience store to the washrooms. I knocked on the women's door, and after no response, I entered.

 _You need this._  
I drew the knife out of my pocket and pulled my sleeve back. The knife acted as a paintbrush, and I; the canvas. Poetic, if not "creepy" by others' standards. I stopped myself for just a moment.   
Was this a necessary release, or one of my volition?  
...Definitely the latter. I took the brush to my arm, and I painted beautiful reds upon a white canvas.

* * *

I came out of the convenience store and saw no Yuri near the car.   
She probably just went to the washrooms. In fact, I felt like I needed to use 'em. So, I dumped the snacks and water onto my seat, and went around the back.   
Nearing the washroom, I heard... something. Something strange. I moved closer to the washrooms, and...  
Panting. Desperate panting. And... it sounded like Yuri.

Suddenly, the back of this gas station became a minefield. If I made one wrong move, everything would go wrong.  
 _What if she's in danger? You need to help your beloved._  
I... welp. If I die today, it better be from trying to help Yuri.

I pushed the door against the doorframe and tried the doorknob slowly. It made a quiet click, and I could tell that the door was unlocked.  
Time to take a chance.   
I slowly opened the door, just enough to let me see what was going on inside and...   
I saw blood. Blood dripping off Yuri's arms. I watched her drive a knife through her arm, and the noise that came out of her mouth could only be described as husky and desperate. I felt sick, but I couldn't look away. I simply couldn't, my eyes were transfixed on her arm.

I risked a glance at her face and... holy shit. I don't say that lightly, either. She looked absolutely euphoric. She was... about to blow.   
I should have _flung open the door and stopped the knife and threw it away and held her close._ (You should have ran away and thrown up.) But I didn't do that. I did nothing. I sat and watched as Yuri destroyed her arm, watching her blood drip onto the tiled floor. I watched as Yuri cut her arm one last time as her body shuddered, and she moaned.  
If it wasn't for the knife in her arm, I would have felt something sexual, surely.  
I watched as Yuri pulled herself together, slowly. The knife came out of her arm, and it was washed under the sink's water.   
  
Then, she pulled out a bottle of something and a small cloth. She poured some of the bottle's contents onto the cloth and started rubbing it over her new wounds. She groaned at the pain, and mumbled something to herself about "needing to control herself". Then, small bandages were placed onto the cuts. Yuri tucked her knife away in her pocket, along with the other materials. As quietly as I could, I closed the door and ran away as quickly as possible. Rounding the corner, I felt bile rising at the back of my throat.

She could never know that I saw this. Nobody should ever know what I just saw with my own two eyes.  
I shakily got back in the car, and I didn't feel so safe anymore.  
(What if she cuts you too? What if she destroys your entire being because she gets off on it?)  
I felt... scared. Terrified, even. What if she kills us both? Is she a part of some fucked up cult that wants blood for a sacrifice?  
I shook my head.  
"That's... that's stupid, Nat. If she wanted to do that, she would have already done it."  
  
But I couldn't shake the fear off of me.  
Looking around, Yuri hadn't come back yet. I started searching the car for knives, or anything like that.  
Nothing. I saw her bag, but I can't search that yet. What if she comes back? Then, I remembered. The glovebox. The compartment that's been sitting in front of me. I opened it, and...  
I saw a normal first aid kit.  
  
I sighed in relief. I don't know what I was expecting, but... thank god.  
"Natsuki?"  
"HAH? WHUH? HUH?" I whirled my head around, and saw Yuri staring at me through the open car door.  
"...Uhm... are you okay?"  
Yuri seemed much more confident. Was she stressed out from me being around? Was I the reason why she was cutting herself?  
"Y-Yeah, I'm okay! Perfectly okay!"  
(Lying to your "beloved", huh? You're such a bitch.)  
Yuri didn't seem convinced, but she shrugged.  
  
"If you say so..." She moved around the car, and got into the driver's seat.  
"So... the first stop on this trip is a cliffside." Yuri had gotten out her phone and was showing me where we were going.  
And REALLY?! A CLIFFSIDE?! WAS SHE TRYING TO SEEM AS SUSPICIOUS AS POSSIBLE?  
"Natsuki, are you sure you're okay? You're quite pale..."  
"Mhm! Y-Yep, I'm alright!"  
  
"You know, I'm... uhm, here for you. You can tell me if something is-"  
My fear from before is forgotten. How many times do I have to tell this girl that I'm okay?!  
"Yuri, I don't need your help. I'm perfectly okay."  
IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT. WHY WOULD YOU PHRASE IT LIKE THAT!?  
Yuri looked hurt. Seriously hurt. What have I done?  
  
Her hurt look turned into something... angry. Frustrated? Either one. I deserve it.  
 _Did you see how her lips just pursed from that? She looks so-_  
This really is not the time!  
"Fine. H-Have it your way." She turned away from me and started the car.

* * *

Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?  
Monika said that you have to be careful when talking to Natsuki. I was careful though! Was I not being forward enough? Was I too forward? What does Natsuki want from me?!  
Well... that doesn't really matter. She isn't talking anymore.  
And now, as far as I care, it's just me and the empty highway.  
  
I look over, and Natsuki quickly turns away. Wait, was she looking at me? She absolutely was. She... what was she looking at? My arms, or my face?  
I'll try again in a few minutes. I look back to the road.  
To my left, the city is still visible, but to the right (and past Natsuki), I can start to see parts of the countryside.  
After checking the map on my phone, I move to the lane to get off the highway. The exit wouldn't come for a while, and that helped me.  
  
After ensuring that I would not hit anything on the road ahead, I whirled my head at Natsuki.  
She was definitely looking at my face, and blushed deeply when turning away.  
"Why are you looking at my face?"  
"U-Uh... n-nothing! No reason at all."  
"We both know that's a lie."  
  
Natsuki goes silent.  
"I-I... uhm... w-was just looking at your hair. I-It looks nice." Natsuki sighs haughtily, crossing her arms.  
"Oh..."  
WHAT?!  
Pardon my French, but first she gets pissy at me, and now she is looking at my hair?! What the fuck is going through this girl's head?!  
  
"Why my hair?"  
"I-It just looks nice, okay?! A-And your-" Natsuki clamped a hand to her mouth. I looked at her.  
"C-Can you look back at the road?! Are you trying to get us killed?!"  
I chuckle, looking back to the road, even though nothing was there.  
"Okay. But, what were you going to say?"  
  
"NOTHING!"  
"I doubt that, Natsuki."  
Natsuki mumbles something quietly.  
"What was that?" This isn't very nice, but this is what friends do, right?  
She mumbles a tad louder.  
"Speak up?"  
"Y-Your..."  
"Hm?"  
  
"Y-YOUR LIPS! OKAY?!"  
...  
What?


	7. Missing you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything ive read featuring these two idiots portrayed them as oblivious to each other's obvious feelings   
> believe me   
> that portrayal is here

Fuck.  
Did I really just say that? I could have just deflected and said something else, like, oh, maybe _ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT HER?!_ But no. Now, she knows. She absolutely knows, there's no way that this girl is dense enough to not realize my thoughts about her.  
Yuri visibly recoils, her face turning from a normal color to a deep red in an instant. She brings a finger to her own lips, feeling them for herself. _You should be the one feeling her lips._  
  
"...A-Ah... w-well... I, u-um. T-Thank you for the... the compliment..."  
...You're kidding me. SHE REALLY IS THAT DENSE!   
"N-No one has ever... uhm... y-yeah." Her hand comes back down to the wheel, and I think I saw a slight tremor from her hands.  
I resign myself to staying quiet. I can only imagine that in Yuri's mind, the car's atmosphere just went from a light, joking one to a very strange one.  
  
I'm such a fucking idiot. I look out the passenger side's window, staying quiet, thinking about... well, Yuri. I've been in my head for the entire trip, and I haven't stopped to consider what Yuri's feeling like right now. The tension between us alone could be cut with ~~(her)~~ a knife, and surely she's noticed it too. What if she's playing dumb because she doesn't see me in that light? What if she's purely straight? Wait, am I gay for liking Yuri in this way? Shit-  
  
(You're such a shallow bitch, you know that, right? You watched Yuri cut herself for pleasure, you got shaken up and you just forget about it minutes later? And here you are now, questioning trivial bullshit. You can't possibly love someone like _her_.)  
...I-  
(You know that I'm right. You can't love someone that does that. Besides, you never really liked her to begin with, you lashed out at her at every opportunity. Stop pretending.)  
...N-  
(Stop pretending. At best, you could only be acquaintances with each other.)  
...It's right... what was I thinking? I need to distance myself from her. If not now, then soon.  
  
"O-Oh, there it is!"  
How long was I just looking out of the window? The sun was setting now. Huh.  
"What is...?" I looked over at Yuri, and did a double-take. Her eyes were red. Was she crying, and I didn't even notice? (Does it matter to you if she was crying?)  
"T-The cliffside that I was talking about... d-did you already forget about it?"  
Honestly? Yeah. "No. I just... uh, zoned out. Wasn't looking." (Could you sound less guilty? You don't owe her anything.)  
  
I looked out of the car's windshield, and up ahead there was definitely a cliffside. The city was long gone, the only thing connecting us to civilization was the paved road behind us and ahead of us. The sun was setting with nice-looking oranges and blues around it.  
Yuri started to slow the car down, and pulled us over into the dirt.  
I got out, and I can't lie, looking at it without a stupid window in the way made it look way better. This looks like something Yuri would write about for a poem. (Stop thinking about her.)  
  
"I-I... uh, sometimes, when I was a kid, my parents took us out here. They said i-it was to... 'recenter and humble themselves', if I remember correctly." Yuri stepped onto the road, going toward the cliffside. I quickly followed behind, the both of us hopping over a barrier to stop cars from going off the damn cliff.  
When we got relatively near the edge, I gasped. I didn't know that the ocean was hiding behind the cliff! The sunset's colors had reflected off onto the water, and... it didn't look just nice. It looked fucking beautiful.   
  
"When my parents went away, though, they... they urged me over the phone to get a driver's license to use their car and drive out here... whenever I got particularly s-stressed." She sniffled. "S-Sometimes, we would go down to the beach below, and I w-would always look up to the cliff, to where we're standing right now. I-It amazed me how we were so h-high, and suddenly, we were so low..." I looked at Yuri, and she was staring out to the horizon, hands fiddling with her hair. Tears sat near the bottom of her eyelids.  
"E-Ever since then, I-I've always had an m-major connection to the beach. I-It became a place where I could re-center m-myself... even when I was u-up here, looking down at t-the beach reminded me o-of one thing they said to me." She wiped her eyes, sniffling more. She was trying so desperately to not cry, and don't tell that voice in my head, but... I was trying not to cry too.  
"'N-No matter h-how high y-you are, you could s-suddenly lose i-it all, and go s-so low. S-So, try as h-hard as you c-can to keep i-it together'..."  
  
"C-Clearly, I-I haven't been doing t-that very well... so, I wanted o-our first stop to be here, so I-I could recenter... a-and show this t-to you."  
She... she marked this place out so she could show me? A place that Yuri's had a massive connection to since her childhood, and she wanted to show... me? Me. Of all people...  
Goddamnit.   
  
"...W-What happened to your parents? I-I haven't seen them at any school event, or even you g-getting picked up by them." My voice was shaky. Too shaky. "W-Well... t-they passed away, i-in America. F-From what I heard... i-it was a car c-crash."  
"...I-I'm... I'm s-sorry."  
Yuri went silent, still looking at the horizon. The sun had added some purples to the orange and blue. How... poetic.  
I stopped looking at her, and instead looked to the horizon with her.  
  
The situation was too emotionally charged. I started crying before Yuri did.

* * *

Then, and only then, did I truly see Natsuki.  
Sure, I've looked at her before, and saw her. But this time? I truly _saw_ her. It was like looking at a new person. Her face, it... it was full of emotion. I could easily pinpoint sadness, and sorrow that she never had, but looking at her for longer, I could see _anger_. Hot, roiling anger that clashed with the sadness. Her tears rolled down her face, past her lips, and down her chin.  
Everything about her looked picturesque. The way her hair was ruffled by the wind, the way the sunset turned her soft pink t-shirt to a pleasant mix of pink and orange... I can't believe I'm even thinking about this, but I was in _love._ Crouching down to her level, I took her face into my hands, and put our foreheads together. We cried together, and I was happy.  
Natsuki wrapped her small arms around me, so I let go of her face and hugged her back.  
  
I felt... wait, Natsuki was pulling away? Why?!  
"Y-Yuri... y-you're hurting me..."  
"Ah... I'm sorry." I eased my grip on her, which now that I think about it, I was holding onto her rather tightly... I hope I didn't hurt her too badly.  
I listened to Natsuki take a deep breath, and it sounded like music to my ears. Who knew that Natsuki, seemingly eternally irritated, could have this much of an emotional reaction to anything at all? It was like I was in hea-  
  
"L-Let's... let's keep going." Natsuki had regained most of her composure, but... 'let's keep going?'  
"Huh?"  
"...W-What, you expect us to stay here forever?"  
"...I... uh... y-yeah, actually..."  
"Well, I-I mean... it's nice, but we have to keep moving..."

"...Right... y-you're right. Let's keep moving..."   
I felt... well, a little dejected... how quickly did I just fall in love with Natsuki? Or, rather, a better question would be: how _deeply_ did I just fall in love with Natsuki? The smaller girl pulled away from the hug, took one last look at the sunset, and hopped over the barrier.  
I needed to recenter myself. If I was expecting to stay in one spot for the rest of our lives... something was wrong. I looked back to the sunset, wiping my eyes.  
  
"Hey, Yuri, are you coming or not?!" Turning around, I saw Natsuki standing at the car.  
"Y-Yeah...! I'm... I'm coming."


	8. Winona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS LATE AAAAAAAAA  
> ive been a little out of it today so this chapter is a little short, but i promise tomorrow gets into The Good Shit. stay tuned
> 
> if theres any grammatical or spelling mistakes please tell me, im far too tired to look through rn

Yuri finally got back to the car and started driving again, away from the cliffside. Clouds started to form overhead, and the sun had finally gone down. The car's headlights went on as the moon started to rise.  
"...Natsuki, if I may, why did you start crying?"  
Hearing Yuri talk in full sentences was weird. Hearing Yuri talk confidently? Even weirder.  
"Uh... I-I guess it was because you wanted to show me something so important to you. It didn't exactly help that you were gonna start crying, either."  
"Hm." That was all that Yuri responded with. (Way to hold a conversation.)

We sat in silence, until rain started to patter against the car.  
"Ah... I forgot it was going to rain tonight. I heard that it was going to rain until daybreak."  
"Wonderful." I looked at the time on my flip-phone. "About 15 more hours of rain."  
"Wait, what time is it now?" Yuri looked over at me, slight confusion on her face.  
"...7 PM."

"7... I suppose we should be trying to find a place to sleep..." Yuri handed over her phone to me. "If you could, find somewhere relatively close to here." I took her phone, and the map was already on the screen. Looking around in the general area, nothing showed itself for a while. Until, of course, 3 hours later, a motel was apparently in a small town. I told Yuri this, and she groaned.  
"Okay... I would prefer to be asleep at 10, but... we cannot sleep in here."  
"Yeah, our backs would be all stiff..."  
"A-And... erm... I-I want this trip to b-be enjoyable for both of us... s-so sleeping in a car would be no good."

Huh. Well, I suppose if you had to slog through hell with someone like me, you would want to make it a little bit enjoyable.  
"Mm."  
Yuri's phone buzzed in my hand.  
"O-Oh. Who is it...?"  
"Uh... Monika?"

"She must be wondering about how the trip has been going... f-feel free to respond."  
I tapped on the notification and the phone brought me to some kind of messenger.

Monika: How's the trip going so far, Yuri??

Yuri: this is natsuki.

Monika: Oh! Hi Nat!  
Monika: So, how is it?

Yuri: its fine i guess.  
Yuri: nothing too exciting.  
Yuri: im not sure if yuri is having a good time though.

Monika: Well... is she smiling? Is she speaking in full sentences?

I took one look over at Yuri, and... well, I'm not exactly sure what expression was on her face. It was a sly smirk, but it seemed... actually, I don't know.

Yuri: not sure to the first one, and shes been speaking properly. she seems confident about what shes saying, too.

Monika: Well, there you have it! She's enjoying herself.  
Monika: Now, me and Sayo have come up with something.

Yuri: great.

Monika: Don't worry! You don't have to do it if you don't want to.  
Monika: But, you're both missing out on club time, so we wanted you two to write poems when you get a chance to, and show them to each other!  
Monika: It's to get you two closer without directly talking, or, rather, fighting!

Yuri: well, its not the worst idea youve had.

Yuri: but why do you think that we're fighting?

Monika: Um, because you two seem to always be fighting?

Yuri: well for your information, we havent been fighting. we've actually gotten through an entire day without fighting.

Monika: Oh! Well, I didn't expect that.  
Monika: But that's good! Really good!!

Yuri: whatever.

Monika: Are you guys still driving around?

Yuri: yeah. the nearest motel is in 3 hours.

Monika: Oh. 

Yuri: "oh" is right.

Monika: Then, it'll probably be best if you guys did the poems tomorrow...  
Monika: Anyway, I have some homework to finish up. I'll talk to you later!

Yuri: right. cya.

Monika: See you! :)


	9. Pico

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> monkey brain

Somewhere along the way, I must've fallen asleep, because we were in front of the motel, and Yuri was poking me in the shoulder.  
"Hey... we're here..." Yuri sounded really sleepy. (You should have started driving, asshole.)  
 ~~ _but it sounded cute_~~  
(Did anyone say that you could come back, you slut?)  
"O-Oh, really...?" My voice felt a little grainy from disuse, and my throat felt scratchy from the lack of water.

"Mm... i-it's still raining, but I-I brought an umbrella..."  
I looked at Yuri's hands, which didn't have the previously mentioned umbrella.

"...And where's that?"  
"...Um... i-in the trunk. D-Don't worry though...! I'll get it-"  
"Nah." I stretched in my seat, my hands touching the car's roof. "That sweater wouldn't dry out well..."  
"N-No, wait-" I had already unbuckled myself, and was out in the rain before Yuri had finished. And, to be honest? I kind of wish that I let Yuri get the umbrella. It was fucking cold out here, and unsurprisingly, very wet.

Starting to shake, I moved to the trunk and found the small button above the license plate. Pressing it down, the trunk opened up, and inside was my savior:  
The sacred umbrella.  
Grabbing it, I slammed the trunk shut and opened up the umbrella. Safe from the rain, I looked down at my clothing and I was positively drenched.

Sighing, I moved to Yuri's side of the car, and opened her door. She had grabbed our bags from the backseats, and sat there looking at me.  
"...Y-You're drenched."  
"Yeah, I'm aware. Can you hurry up and get out?"  
Yuri stepped out of the car, and had to crouch to properly be underneath the umbrella. Closing the car door, we moved to the front door of the motel and stepped in.

Warm air blasted me in the face, and it felt great. Yuri stepped out from the umbrella, standing up to her full height while I closed the umbrella, shaking it out near the mat at the front of the door.  
But despite the warm air enveloping me, a chill went through my body.  
(How are you going to pay for this stay?)  
"...Y-Yuri..."

"Hm?" She looked down at me, and I think I squirmed.  
"...I-I... I don't... uhm..."  
My mind drew a blank. How was I supposed to tell Yuri that I didn't have enough money for anything on this trip?! Now Yuri'll start thinking about how I didn't get a lot of money for this. She'll think that I ran away. _She'll know about my father and how he punishes me everyda-_

A solid weight put itself on my shoulder, and a thumb wiped away my tears. I saw Yuri, crouching down and looking at me like everything would be okay and nothing would ever hurt me again.  
"Yes?"  
"A-Ah... uh... uhm..." I floundered, still. (Why can't you just talk to her? Just be blunt already, I'm tired of listening to this!)  
"Take your time."

"...I... I-I, I can't... uh... p-pay for... a-any of this..."  
"Oh...? How much do you have...?"  
I dug into my pockets and gave her what little I had. She carded through the crumpled bills and coins, counting them.  
"...40 dollars..."

I closed my eyes, mentally preparing for the incoming verbal assault, and possibly physical. (She might pull out her knife and start cutting you and cut a permanent frown into your fa-)  
I felt Yuri's hand start rubbing my shoulder comfortingly.  
"That's okay... I have enough to cover for the entire trip. I-If you don't mind, I could take what you have and add it to the funding of this trip?"

"U-Uh... o-okay..."  
"Alright. Now... let's get a room, shall we?" Yuri smiled at me, and her hand left my shoulder, leaving only a damp ruined shirt on me.  
"R-Right..."

The receptionist looked strangely at us as we got closer, but frankly? I couldn't give less of a shit.  
"We'd like two rooms, please." Yuri asked in a voice I've never heard before. It sounded so... professional. ~~and alluring-~~  
"Ah... um, actually, there's only one room that we can offer you right now."  
"O-Oh."

Yuri looked down at me.  
"...A-Are you okay with-"  
"Yes..." I was far too tired to give a shit.  
"A-Ah... w-well... alright..." A quick glance revealed that Yuri's face had turned very red, but her eyes remained forward, instead of looking away. "W-We'll take the o-one room."  
"Alright then. I'm guessing you two are staying until the morning?"  
"Y-Yes."

I tuned out. Would it be weird if I fell asleep, right here? Surely not...   
I started to close my eyes, but Yuri had jostled me a little.  
"Natsuki... come on."

"O-Oh... r-right..." I followed Yuri, and she took us to our room. That sentence felt nice to think about. Our room. Hehe. I felt dead to the world as Yuri opened the door, and as soon as I saw the bed, I was so close to just throwing myself into it and passing out.

But... Yuri. She wouldn't enjoy sleeping with me, in damp clothing. I had to change into something...   
Yuri pressed a bag into my arms.   
"Erm... y-you should probably go change. I-I don't want you getting a cold..." 

Oh right... I could also get a cold from this. Forgot about that. Was I too pre-occupied thinking about how Yuri would feel without even considering my own wellbeing? Meh. Too tired to think. _Monkey brain want sleep with warm soft Yuri_. 

Where did that come from...? Well... it wasn't wrong.

"Mm... yeah..." My sleepiness showed in that, I think I slurred that easy sentence into "Mmmmyeh...".  
I... I really need some sleep.  
Tossing the bag down, I started rooting through it until I found some pyjama's. My finger hooked around my jeans as-

"N-Natsuki! P-Please, t-tell me if y-you're just g-going to change!" Damnit. I forgot that Yuri was here. She was sitting on the bed, her own bag sitting by her feet. I tried mumbling a "sorry" but that was horribly slurred into nonsense. I walked over to the bathroom, and started to change in there. I yawned loudly as I changed. 

* * *

  
I watched as Natsuki quite literally dragged herself to the washroom, and didn't even bother to close the door behind her as she entered. I sighed. 

It had given me quite the scare that Natsuki was about to undress in front of me. As much as I had wanted to see Natsuki's naked form, we were both incredibly tired, and required rest for tomorrow. 

Whilst she was away, I started to change out of today's clothing to something more comfortable. My leggings went off in favor for some purple fleece pyjama bottoms, and my sweater and long-sleeved shirt (which had gained a red spot on it's sleeve from an improperly bandaged wound) was replaced with a soft black long-sleeved shirt. 

A sigh of relief found it's way through my lips. My leggings were becoming rather tight recently, and-  
No more noise was coming from the washroom.  
Spurred on by nothing but a sinking feeling in my stomach, I bolted to the washroom only to see...

Natsuki had fallen asleep midway through changing. Her head rested on the sink, drooling, whilst she had only managed to get her shirt off. A very small pink bra sat on her chest.

I looked away, feeling my face heat up.  
"N-Natsuki!"   
"Mmmm... huh..." Natsuki grumbled, shifting her head on the sink. "What... what...?"  
"N-Natsuki... I-I understand that you are tired, but please properly c-change!"

She... she blew a raspberry at me.   
"Do... do it for... me... then..."   
_WHAT?!_  
"I-I-I'm sorry?!"  
"Do... it for... me... pussy..."

I... I had no words. Do it for her?! I-I refuse! But... she wasn't going to do it herself. God... damnit! Why?!  
I slowly sat down, and allowed myself to look around Natsuki. A white t-shirt and pink pyjama pants sat on the ground haphazardly near her. 

You're... you're not afraid of this Yuri. You can do this. You're just... helping the love of your life change! That's all!  
I grabbed the t-shirt, and without looking at her, I did my best at putting it on for Natsuki. I saw her arms slowly extend out of the armsleeves.

Excellent. I finally looked at her, and she was more or less looking in my direction.   
"...W-Wait... h-huh...? Y-Yuri... what are you doin'...?"  
"I-I... uh... y-you had... uhm... a-asked me to... c-change you into y-your pyja-"

"I... I d-don't remember... s-sorry..." Tears started to fill up in her eyes. My patience is running thin, slowly. I just wanted to sleep.  
"Come on, Natsuki... c-can I at least finish the job, and get us to bed?"  
Natsuki made a noise of acceptance, and closing my eyes, I once again tried my best to clothe her properly with the pants.

"A-Are they on...?"  
"...Mmhm..."  
I opened my eyes, and thankfully, Natsuki was finally clothed. I'm so tired...  
Without realizing, I picked up Natsuki, and I heard her sigh. She... she wiggled around in my grip, trying to get closer to me...?  
I think I heard her say "warm" as well. How does this tiny human have the capability to tire me out so quickly, yet act so cute the next moment?! It should be illegal! 

But, if it were illegal, I would need to part with her. So, perhaps I am a criminal now, because I now refuse to part with this wonderful human. _And she's all mine...!_

I smiled as I brought us to the bed. I laid Natsuki down on one side, getting her underneath the covers. Once she was in and nearly about to fall into sleep's deep embrace, I came in on the other side of the bed, and I held Natsuki tight.

I heard her breathing go down a tad, and knew that she was sleeping. My heart leaped and soared. I was sleeping with my darling. Nothing could top this feeling of euphoria! She looked beautiful whilst asleep, her lips parted...

I... I could not stop myself. It would have required Herculean strength to restrain myself, and that, I did not have. I pressed my lips against hers, and relished in the feeling. _I had stolen Natsuki's first kiss..._ this feeling...

This was heaven.


	10. Freaking out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter has a metric fuckton of violence  
> if you want to skip most of it, skim down to the first break

The _house was far too cold. Did father forget to pay the heating bills? I sighed, preparing myself for a cold week. I wrapped myself in a blanket, sitting on my bed. Looking at my clock, the time was apparently_ F:KB RH _._  
 _Great. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight because I don't feel tired at all, and I just ran out of melatonin. I looked to my ba-_  
 _I heard the front door close. He's home._

_Judging from the stumbling downstairs, he's drunk. Very drunk. I fucking prayed to whatever god is looking out for me that they keep him downstairs._   
_Clearly, I shouldn't rely on some higher force to protect me. I heard the stumbling come up the stairs, and something drop on the floor outside my door._   
_I locked up. I couldn't move. I wanted to jump out my window and keep running until I was safe. But my body refused to move._

_"Natsuki..." I could hear how fucking drunk he was through the door. "Open this goddamn door..."_   
_I whimpered. Please no. Maybe I could pretend that I was asleep-_   
_"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"_   
_I didn't move in time. He started slamming into the door, and the weak bolt broke against the force, and the door nearly came off its hinges._

_I screamed. "P-PLEASE!" My mind raced. Was this the day? Was this finally the day that he hospitalized me, or worse? I started panicking._   
_He grabbed me by the neck and threw me at the wall. I heard the drywall crack a little. My back hurt._   
_"I'll give you something to scream about, you fucking rodent."_

_He kicked me in the face, and I went down instantly. I think I saw a tooth of mine on the floor, and I smelt copper from my mouth. His shoe met my skull, and he just pounded at it and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded a̸̢̛̱̺̣̯̘͔̣̥͋͊̿͌̿̓̄̈́͝n̵̛̻̹̩͇̒̎͛͆̇̇͐̄̍͘͝͝ḓ̴̡̦̯̫͍̝̱̝̫̱͍̦͉͂̂͂̄͋̀̾͂̽͘̚͜ ̵̘͇̺͖͇̯̺̤͔̋͑̔̋̄͐͆̚͠p̴̟̬͖̳̼͔͖͖̹̯̞͚͙̤̼͌͑̆̓̆͋̐͛͝ò̴̧̨̧̧̗͕̗͇͕ͅṳ̷̢̧̹͍͈̙̩̰͈̬̱̈́̔͗̔̌͗̂̾̐̽̚ṇ̸̭̞̤̽͆̍̀̊̃̿͆͑̃̎̄͝ḍ̷̢̞͉̫̼͂̆̈́̔̍ͅē̶͓͑̿͐͑̉̒̐͠d̷̨͇̼̼̟̞̘̱̗͉̪̱͙̤̜̊͘a̸̢̛̱̺̣̯̘͔̣̥͋͊̿͌̿̓̄̈́͝n̵̛̻̹̩͇̒̎͛͆̇̇͐̄̍͘͝͝ḓ̴̡̦̯̫͍̝̱̝̫̱͍̦͉͂̂͂̄͋̀̾͂̽͘̚͜ 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̵̘͇̺͖͇̯̺̤͔̋͑̔̋̄͐͆̚͠p̴̟̬͖̳̼͔͖͖̹̯̞͚͙̤̼͌͑̆̓̆͋̐͛͝ò̴̧̨̧̧̗͕̗͇͕ͅṳ̷̢̧̹͍͈̙̩̰͈̬̱̈́̔͗̔̌͗̂̾̐̽̚ṇ̸̭̞̤̽͆̍̀̊̃̿͆͑̃̎̄͝ḍ̷̢̞͉̫̼͂̆̈́̔̍ͅē̶͓͑̿͐͑̉̒̐͠d̷̨͇̼̼̟̞̘̱̗͉̪̱͙̤̜̊͘a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝a̵̡̠͌̅͌n̵̨̡̡̧̛̬̣͉̲̹͇̳̮̯̙͓͙͍̞̙̜̫̙͎͔̥̠̥̰̞̮͈̞̯͚̳̈͗̊̽̽͂̓͆̄͌̏̈́̎̑̀͑͊̑̑́̊̇͌̀͘͝͝͝͝͝͝ḑ̸̢̡̧̧̛̣͖̗͕͙̣͇̫̠͈̜̱̮͚̣͇̣̱̹̜̯̩̪̪͔͓͙̩̫̘̩̟͕̩̣͇͔̗̘̍̌̀͊̒̒̔̓̇́̂̀̍̈͐͆̂͋̑̋̑͝ͅ ̸̝̤̙̝͖̙̻̰̦̟̱̪͇̣̗̹̿̓̇͑͛̇̽̓̾̉̈̄͑̔̊͒̈̒̃̿̐͗̏͋͌̓̌͐͗̚͠͝͠p̶̧̨̡̛͕̦̟̠̠̠͍̮̘̪̯̙̟̰̭̣̠͇̟͉̬͉̝̪̤̖͖̼̖̼̳̘̹̬̓̓̈̐͒̍̍̃̃̒̓̈̀̐̌̈́͂͂͘͜ơ̴͉̹̯͚͖̣̗̗̪͔̽̇̊̒̋̈́̓̀̿̀̅̇̋̊͗̓̈̈́͒̋̄̓͋̄͂̊͂͊͗̊̔͆̎͘̚͜͠͝ͅͅư̶̧̛̖͖̠̫͉͉͎͚̲̣̬̬̝̻͖̲͈̙̹̞̓̋͒̄̑͂̉͗̎̓͒̌͊̔̈̅̀̎́͋̌̾̊́̈̒̽̕̕͝͠͝͝ͅn̸̢̧̛̻͇̗͇͖̟̰͓̙͔̩̙̪̿͛̀̐̔̐͛̈͊̋͊̑̓͆̎̆͛́̽̍̒̃͗͐̏͂̎̿̿̆̀̾̕͜ḑ̶͔̺͈͇͔͖̒̉̍̆̋̇̌̂̾͊̾͗̋͗̾̐̐̚͝͝ë̴͖̣̖̥͈͍̫͎̮́̏̀̕d̵̡̨̦̻̥͈̙̖͔̦̖͆̄̆͊̀͛͊͗̓̊͊̉̿́̀̃̐͐̀̽́͗̽̽́̍̔̇̕͝_

_Tears poured from my eye. I couldn't feel my head, and blood was on the floor. I saw a solid pink chunk in front of me, and an eyeball stared back at me._   
_"Bitch." My father spit on my mangled skull._

* * *

  
"aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" I shot up, and I was just covered in sweat. I felt my head, and thankfully, it was intact. My heartbeat was way too fast, and my throat hurt. I look over, and I saw Yuri staring back at me.  
"...N-Natsuki...?" I threw my arms around her, and I broke down. I sobbed into her chest and I felt so fucking scared. My mind kept showing me images of the nightmare from different angles. My head was barely intact, blood was everywhere and I think I saw my tongue in the corner, alongside a knif-

Yuri's hands rubbed my back.  
"U-Uh... I-I'm not... exactly sure w-what happened, but... i-it'll be okay."  
I focused myself on Yuri's words. Her tone of voice was nice. It sounded like she actually cared. (You just dreamt of your father killing you. Why should anyone care about you? No one normal dreams like that. And why do you keep getting close to her, didn't we just agree with each other about not getting close to her? She'll end up killing you herself.)

I felt like I was suffocating. The room was too hot. I tried prying myself away from Yuri, but she held on. I raised a trembling fist and punched her shoulder. I punched and I punched and I punched, but she didn't let go.  
"N-Natsuki... it's okay... just breathe for me, okay?" Her voice was sweet, but I felt sick to my goddamn stomach. I tried scratching her shoulders, and I heard her groan a little. Her arm was against my back, fully locking me in the hug. Her arms made my skin crawl, knowing what she did to them just a few hours earlier.

"Breathe, Natsuki... breathe."  
I wanted to scream. My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Yuri's arms slid up and down my back, and I just couldn't take it. It felt awful, like she was spreading her sins onto me.  
"Breath-"  
"L-LET GO OF ME, F-FREAK!"  
Yuri's voice caught in her throat.  
"I-I-"  
"LET GO!" I thrashed against her, and eventually, I got her off of me (or she let go of you) and I fell backward off the bed.  
"N-Natsuki..." Getting up, I slid down against a wall, and I looked at Yuri. Tears were starting to come, and she looked so hurt.

I would have tried to apologize, if I cared.  
"D-Don't go around rubbing me with your arms! Y-You fucking c-cut yourself, you goddamned freak!" Yuri's expression went from hurt to downright fucking wounded.  
"N..."  
"SHUT UP!" My hands went over my head, and I covered my ears. I didn't want to listen to Yuri anymore. I felt like vomiting.

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHut up shut up shut... up..." I felt so sick. The room was too hot. Was I suffocating? Was I going to die from nothing at all?! Just some stupid dream, and then choke myself to death?!  
 ~~wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup~~  
Oh HELL NO. I downright REFUSE to die in this fucking room. I pushed myself off the wall, and crawled to the bathroom. I felt Yuri stare at me the entire time, but I didn't look back at her. Making it to the bathroom, I grabbed the toilet (filthy, like you) and vomited. I started crying halfway through, or had my eyes stung from the stench? 

My left hand weakly found the top of the toilet, and I slammed the toilet-flusher thingy. I don't even know what that fucking thing is called, and I don't care. I sat against the sink as my puke was flushed away, and I broke down again. 

* * *

  
I jolted awake. My neck hurt. What happened...?   
I tried refreshing myself on what just happened. I woke up, panicking... I started to suffocate, I pushed Yuri away and called her a fre-

Wait. I... I called her a freak.   
FUCK.   
I stood up, but fell on the tiled floors facefirst. Shouldn't have stood up so suddenly, and now my nose hurts.  
"Ugh... fuck me."  
I collected myself on the ground, and slowly sat up. Then, leveraging myself on the sink, I brought myself up.

My head pounded, but at least I was up. I put my hand against the wall, and looked in the mirror above the sink.  
I looked like shit. Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last time. I stumbled out of the bathroom, and saw Yuri sitting on the bed with a blank expression.

When she saw me, her eyes lit up for a solid second, but they dimmed immediately after. The silence was palpable.  
"...I... uh..."  
I sighed. "What."  
Yuri gained a frustrated look. "Jeez... I just wanted to say that I was sorry that you had to see me cut myself."

"...Cool." I moved over to my bag, my hand falling back to my side.  
"I'm also sorry that I didn't let go of you sooner. I should have realized that you wanted space."  
"Mhm." I found a new shirt, and a "cute" skirt.

"..." I could tell that I was pissing off Yuri. "Could you at least tell me why you were panicking?"  
"No." I looked up at Yuri, and she looked like she was about to rip her hair out. She had the nastiest scowl I've ever seen in my life, and believe me, I've seen some pretty bad ones.

"Natsuki. I'm trying to reconsi-"  
"Awesome. Keep it to yourself."  
"...I'm trying to repair the bridge between us, bu-"  
"Would be a shame if you never got the funding to repair that bridge, mm?" I'm making my way over to the bathroom again with today's clothing when I hear Yuri stand up. In a second, she's somehow gotten me pinned against the wall, and she grabbed my wrists. My clothes fell forgotten in-between us.

"Natsuki, I am trying to help us both out of this issue and you are NOT helping. I want to be friends wi-"  
"I don't make friends with people who..." (Go for the kill.) "...cut themselves."  
I immediately regretted this, as Yuri practically screamed at me.  
"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS?! I'M TRYING SO HARD, NATSUKI, BUT YOU'RE MAKING THIS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!"

"I'VE HELPED YOU EVERY CHANCE I'VE GOTTEN, AND HOW DO YOU REPAY ME?! BY... BY BEING SUCH A BITCH!"  
Tears flow from Yuri as she rages, and I feel some of my own prickling my eyes.

"I TRY SO HARD FOR YOU... b-but you don't even care. I try so h-hard... j-just to be friends w-with you... a-and you turn me away." 

Yuri lets go of my wrists, and sniffles.   
"...G-Go change. W-We're going home..."  
That throws my mind into a fucking loop. Home. I can't go home! He'l-

From the bedside table, my flip-phone buzzes. I move past Yuri, and grab it.

father, 5:00 PM, Yesterday: Where the hell are you

father, 5:01 PM, Yesterday: If you arent home in 5 minutes, therell be hell to pay

father, 5:06 PM, Yesterday: Consider yourself grounded

father, 5:30 PM, Yesterday: Did you fucking run away

father, 5:50 PM, Yesterday: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

father, 6:00 PM, Yesterday: COME HOME RIGHT NOW

father, 10:00 AM, Today: Next time I see you, you better believe that you're getting reprimanded

I started sweating. My phone buzzed again.

father, 10:01 AM, Today: I think death would be a good punishment

I dropped the phone. It clacked against the ground, a bit of the screen shattering.

He... he really was going to kill me. Where was I supposed to hide? What am I supposed to do? Go home, lie down and just take it?

I hear Yuri gasp. Looking down, the stupid phone was missing, and looking over at the purple haired girl, she's...  
She has my phone.  
I wanted to run over and rip it out of her hands. I wanted to curl up into a ball and sob. I wanted to ~~enditrightnow~~. But I didn't do any of that. I stood right there, and didn't make a sound.

"...N-Natsuki... I... u-um." Yuri coughed. "I-I think... it would b-be best if... we continued this... trip..."  
I didn't respond. Yuri looked me in the eyes, and I didn't respond. 

The last thing I remember is falling over and falling over and falling over an _d falling over and falling over and falling over_

* * *

  
Natsuki fell backwards, hit her head on the bedside table, and presumably passed out.  
...FUCK.  
I dropped her phone, rushed over to her and looked at her head. There wasn't any bleeding, but it was surely going to hurt. I picked her up again, and laid her on the bed.

I sat by her feet on the bed, and lost myself in my head.   
Her... her own father... was going to kill Natsuki? Because he thought she ran away? Why would she run awa-

It all made sense. Why Natsuki was so thin. Why none of the literature club members could find her during lunch time. Why she would come to school with bruises and bandages on her face.

Her father was physically and mentally abusing Natsuki, starving her and beating her. Surely, scare tactics were also employed, to keep her from calling child protective services. I felt... helpless. What was I supposed to do? I could keep going with the trip, but where was she supposed to go when we came home?

 _She could live at your home._ That's incredibly selfish, and her opinion of me had majorly dropped because she witnessed me cut myself.

I would need to offer my home to her later, hopefully when we salvage our relationship. But that's assuming she doesn't want to pursue child protective services.

I... I still wanted to be friends with Natsuki. I still loved her. But this problem...? It's majorly in her hands. This trip was no longer about us, it was about Natsuki. I needed to repair her. I needed to help her out of the dark hole she currently lives in.  
I just... need to regain her trust.

Easier said than done. 


	11. Still breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotta dialogue

The back of my head hurt. I slid my hand underneath my head, and tried to rub the pain away. Obviously, it doesn't work, and it just alerts Yuri that I'm awake.  
"...Natsuki."

Now she's going to yell again-  
"I-I... uh... want to get things... straight. With you, I mean. I-It could be a trade...! I-I tell you why I cut, so y-you can understand, t-then you tell me something."   
Yuri fidgeted with her hair. "...T-That is, if you even want... to be friends..."

"...I... y-yeah..." My throat hurt, but my response put a small smile on Yuri's face.   
"...S-So... g-get on with it... then."  
"Okay..." Yuri huffed.  
"...I cut myself as a coping mechanism. Or, perhaps it's an addiction now. I-I guess a better term for it would be a stress reliever."

I remembered what Yuri looked like while in the gas station washrooms.  
"S-Seemed more than just a stress reliever..."  
"...Aha... w-well..." Yuri looked off to the side, blushing.   
"A-Anyway. Why d-did you start?"

"...Well... I-I suppose I started because, at the time, I was incredibly stressed. Examinations, y-you know? And... I accidentally cut myself... but it didn't feel painful. It made me feel... clear. T-That didn't really make sense..."

"No. It... it did. You were constantly thinking about exams, right?"  
Yuri nodded.  
"So... then, it gave you... what's the word... oh, clarity!"  
Yuri looked a little surprised. "What, didn't expect the dumb one to use a big word?"

"I-I don't think y-you're dumb..."  
"...A-Anyway..." I cleared my throat. "Why'd you continue?"   
"...I-I suppose I just assosciated 'clarity' with 'self-harm'. So I kept doing it, until I started deriving... u-uh... p-plea-"  
"Okay, yeah, I get it... d-don't go into that."

"...Do you at least know that it's... not normal?"  
"Absolutely. I consider it irrational... yet I still cut."  
"Would you stop if I took your knife...?"  
Yuri did a double-take. "What?! No! I... I-I mean... n-no. I-I would just find a different t-thing to hurt myself on... i-if I was that desperate..."

Yuri looked genuinely terrified of the mere idea of having her knives taken away.  
"A-And... besides... the knives are special to me. T-The one that I h-have on me now is my parent's last gift to me..."

"Wait. You're telling me your parents knew, and didn't do anything to help you?!"  
"N-No...! T-They knew that I was c-collecting them... s-so they bought me a nice balisong." Yuri turned to her bag, and after digging through it, pulled out a purple butterfly knife.

Looking at it made my skin crawl. But, I needed to calm down.  
"...That's a butterfly knife."  
"Well, that's a different name for it. It's primarily known as the balisong, but can also be called a butterfly knife or a fan knife. This one's blade is made of steel, and it's considerably smaller than most knives in my collection. It can comfortably fit in my pocket."

Yuri started to rant about her knife collection. I could tell that she was passionate about the topic, because she was spewing a bunch of knife names that I didn't know shit about. A particular "bowie knife" put an image of David Bowie's face on a chef's knife in my mind, and I snickered. Yuri barely noticed that I was laughing, and just kept going. She had started to twirl her "balisong" around her fingers, and honestly? I lost myself in the motion. She was either a professional, or she had done this too many times now.

I kept watching until she nipped her finger on the blade. She didn't even make a noise of pain or anything. She just examined it, and put away the knife.

"...Sorry." She had a small smile on her face.  
"N-No, don't be. You're clearly passionate about this."   
"...Now... N-Natsuki. This... this was a trade. It's your turn."  
My body temperature dropped. I forgot that I was supposed to tell her about my problems, too.  
"D-Don't worry, though. I-I don't need to hear it all... just... tell me what you want to tell me."

I sighed.  
"Alright... my... father, well... he's been abusing me. He's almost always drunk, and h-he doesn't cook. H-He just orders takeout every night, a-and barely gets me anything. H-He doesn't even eat it all... the living room, it reeks of mold. He sometimes forgets to pay the bills, a-and the house gets cold, there's no w-water... sometimes n-no lights."  
"How... how long have you been living like this? Where's your mother?"  
"...I-I've been living like this since... I-I don't know. A-And mom died while giving birth to me... a-alot of the time, he blames it on me..."

I looked up at Yuri, and fury outweighed concern. Anger was not a good look on her. _But it looked kind of sexy._  
"Have you considered calling child protective services-"  
"No. Never. They'll give me some foster family that doesn't care about me." This much is absolutely true. I've heard the stories, of how kids get a new home, and ultimately the family neglects them. 

"..." Yuri glanced off to the side. "W-What was your first panic attack about? What happened...?"  
I thought back to it. We were in the car... and I was talking about the dream.  
 ~~wakeupwakeup~~

You got this, Natsuki.  
"...Remember that dream I was telling you about?" Yuri nodded. "W-Well... I didn't get there... but I looked over a-at you, and you had a knife in your stomach... y-you were dead..."

"B-But before that... I-I looked over at you. L-Like, real you. A-And you were pale..."  
"...Natsuki, that's... because I had the same dream."  
"Huh?!"  
"...We were... side by side. Arms touching. If I remember correctly, I asked you if we were supposed to be doing anything. You said-"  
"T-That I didn't know..." 

"I turned back to my own book, and I woke up... I'm... I'm sorry you had to see me dead, even in a dream."  
"Y-You didn't cause it... don't worry..."  
"...Can... can I hug you?"  
My heart ached a bit. (Now she's askin-)   
No. I've had it with you.   
(Bu-)  
Shut the fuck up.  
...  
Finally. Just me and my own normal thoughts.

"...Y-Yeah..."  
Yuri practically tackled me, hugging me tightly. I felt warm. I felt safe.  
Sighing, I practically melted into Yuri's arms. My skin no longer crawled at Yuri's touch, but I still felt a tiny bit uncomfortable. 

Not enough to want to do anything about it, though.  
"Natsuki... I promise you." I look at Yuri, and she has a _loving-_ CARING. It was a caring look on her face. "I won't let that bastard hurt you anymore."

"I-"  
"Shh. I won't let him, okay?"  
"...Okay..."  
We laid there on the bed like that for minutes. Or was it hours? I don't remember. I think I fell asleep somewhere in that time.

Eventually, though, Yuri released herself from me.   
"Come on..." I whined. Was I really whining for Yuri? Christ, I'm going soft.   
"Don't get me wrong... I would like to stay like this, but... we smell. A-And, we have to get moving."

"...Right."


	12. Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well  
> im sorry for not updating in 4 days   
> needed some time to plan out things

It was almost like nothing had happened when we left the room. Aside from a strange look by the receptionist, nobody had known about the argument from inside the room.  
I decided to keep the flip-phone, in my bag. There wasn't really a reason for not keeping it, even though taking one look at it made shivers go down my spine. I wanted to block my father's number, but it felt like simply opening the phone would send me over the edge.

So it sat at the bottom of my bag, underneath all the spare clothing for maximum disrespect.  
As Yuri had said, the rain was still here. Standing near the front doors, Yuri looked down at me.  
"...Erm. Do you want to drive...? J-Just for a while."

"It's the least I can do, y'know?" I extended my right hand and made a "give me" motion. "Gimme."   
Yuri placed the keys in my hand, her hand staying in mine for a second too long. Looking at Yuri's keys, they were pretty normal. Along with the car keys, there was a house key, a key to... I don't know where. It had our school's emblem, so... a key to somewhere in the school. It also had a small keychain-plushie of a rabbit.

"What's this key for?" We left the motel, heading for the car, safe from the rain thanks to the umbrella.   
"Oh, that's for the staff room near the literature club. I have to go there to boil water for tea when I want to make it. They gave me a key pretty early..."   
"Huh." I unlocked the car, and the car itself made a beep. Getting in, the damn thing was pretty cold. Putting the key in the ignition, my hands went for the heat. Turning it on, the car was filled with even more cold air.

"O-Oh, should have told you that... the heating takes time to actually work."   
"Great..." I grumbled, slightly shivering. Waiting for the car to actually heat, I looked out of the window. The rain looked pretty damn intense now, pattering against the windshield. I turned on the windshield wipers to high, and having to watch 2 black lines moving quickly was way better than barely being able to see through the rain.

My stomach growled. Just great.  
"Breakfast first, then..." I looked to Yuri, and she was going ham on her phone. "There's a restaurant that does breakfast not far from here. It has to be better than McDonald's, that's for sure..." Yuri handed me her phone, and I memorized the pathing to get to the place.  
"Anything's better than McDonald's, let's be real."  
"Agreed." And for the first time in a while, I actually started driving.

* * *

  
The map lead us to some old diner that clearly thought it was the 90's still. I sat in a booth, across from Yuri, staring at the menu. All of the options looked great (though that's not exactly saying much, I've been starved for my entire life) and I really didn't know what to have.

"What can I get you two?" I jumped, looking at a waiter that had appeared.  
"A-Ah... I'll have... pancakes with blueberries..." Yuri ordered first (thank god), and the waiter turned to me.  
"And you?"  
"U-Uh... w-what she's having." 

"Alright...! I'll be back with your stuff." And just as quickly as they appeared, the waiter left. I sighed.  
"Hm?"  
"Nothing."

Looking around the restaurant, the entire place had a light blue and white color scheme, and lots of neon signs. There was even a jukebox in the corner, but I wasn't about to get up to give the stupid thing a coin. We were the only customers in here, it seemed.  
I looked back to Yuri. A disappointed look was worming itself onto her face, and I remembered the first time that this kind of thing happened. I pushed away Yuri, even after she wanted to help me. This, even if it's such a small problem, will only damage what "relationship" me and Yuri have, if I don't tell her why I sighed...

"I-It's just, I'm glad you ordered first. I didn't... know what to get."  
The look of disappointment evaporated off of Yuri's face. "I-I... ah..."  
"And... really, to begin with, it's kinda weird that you would order first. Normally, you can't even spit out a normal ass sentence without tripping on your words."

Wrong call, there. She looked a bit hurt, but a smirk came to her lips.   
"...However, you despise being related to anything remotely cute, despite your current attire. I-I must say, that skirt of yours is quite cute."  
Bastard! I looked away, trying to hide my face, which was surely blushing. "N-No, it's not...!"  
"Are you su-"  
  
"And here's your stuff...!" The both of us jumped, and the waiter had re-appeared, holding two plates. I... I kind of forgot that we were here.   
My stomach growled again, seemingly awakened after I smelt the food. It smelt and looked good, the blueberries placed haphazardly around the pancake, giving it a homemade look.  
To be honest? I kind of hated blueberries, but food is food.  
  
I looked at Yuri, and she was already eating.  
Right.  
  
Maybe things between me and her will be alright.


	13. Witches

The rain continues to slam against the car's roof and windshield, causing a nice pattering noise for me to listen to. Natsuki was driving, and we were on the highway once again. 

Being able to do whatever in the passenger seat felt great. I didn't need to pay attention to the road, or any other drivers in front or behind us. So, for now, I resigned myself to twirling my balisong absentmindedly.

* * *

  
_"Hey, Yuri, come down here!" My mother called to me from the living room. Sighing, I marked my place in my book and untangled myself from the mess of blankets and pillows I called my bed._

_Stepping down the stairs, my parents were both sitting on the couch, which they never really did._   
_"Yuri... we're... well, we're going on another business trip." My father spoke. I suppose I got my social ineptitude from him, as he was never very good with words or people._

_"This trip however, is very important to us. Obtaining this client will solve most, if not all of our troubles financally."_   
_My mother was the more confident one of the two, and I got my vocabulary from her._

_"We will be travelling to America for two weeks. You know the rules, so I need not go over them again."_   
_I sighed. I didn't resent my parents for having such a travel-heavy job, but..._   
_"B-But...! We, uh... got you a gift."_

_That caught my interest, not to be shallow, but being given a gift on a day that isn't my birthday or Christmas? My mind ran wild at the thought of what said gift could be._

_That is, until a semi-thick wooden box was pressed into my hands._   
_It was rather thin, but the engravings in the wood looked nice. Opening it, was possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The one type of knife I didn't have._

_A deep purple balisong. It practically shimmered, light reflecting off of the two handles. Taking it out of it's box, I noticed the lock holding the two handles together. It was put between the handles._

_I put my fingernail in-between the handle and the lock, and pushed down. Carefully, I opened the balisong up, flipping the handle around to fully reveal the blade. The blade was also purple, and just like the body, it also shimmered._

_"...I... t-thank you..."_   
_"I had seen your sizeable collection of knives before. I have to wonder where you got most of those things, but I didn't see that specific one in your collection." My mother was closely watching my hands as they navigated the balisong. "I'm not exactly sure what it's called, b-"_

_"It's a balisong. It's more commonly known as a butterfly knife or a fan knife..." Flipping the handle back around and hiding the blade in the two handles, I put the balisong back in it's box, and covered the box back up._

_"Well, that settles it, hm?" My mother stood up, and my father followed suit. "We'll be leaving now. Remember to call every now and then, okay?"_

* * *

  
That was the last time I would ever see and speak to my parent's in person. Obviously, I had called them every other night, and they always picked up, but... that night when they didn't pick up...

"...Hey. Yuri. Yuri, hey!" I blinked, and Natsuki's fingers were snapping in front of me. "I need directions."  
"O-Oh. S-Sorry..." I closed the balisong, leaving it on my leg. I grabbed my phone, and looked at the map.

"...Erm, turn... right, at the first chance."  
"Alright. Uh... where are we going, anyway?"  
"...It's a surprise."  
"Yuri. Come on."  
"What?"  
"Tell me where we're going!" Natsuki whined.  
"...I don't think I will." I started to grin a little. It was so easy to tease Natsuki, but a part of me felt like I was insulting her in a way.  
"Tell me where we're going, or I'm running this car into a ditch."

"We're going... crazy."  
"What?"  
"You heard me. We're going crazy."  
"...I hate you. So much."  
"Aw... I love you too-"

Oh no. I slipped. This is bad.  
"Hate isn't the same thing as love, y'know!"  
Oh thank god. She just thought it was some joke.  
"I-It could be. In... i-in some scenarios."  
"Okay, I don't want to hear about whatever crazy ass thing you read where that happened."

Natsuki was totally oblivious! How could she not even understand that this scenario that me and her were in was exactly what I described?!  
But, this was to my benefit. I could hide for a little while longer, to the perfect moment to properly confess my _everlasting love to her._  
That moment... it needs to be perfect.

"For real, though. Where are we going?"  
"W-We're going to a city, as I heard that the theatre there was going to be doing a play on Twelfth Night. A Shakespeare play." I could practically feel Natsuki's mood shift at the mention of a Shakespeare play.

"D-Don't worry, though... t-this is an abridged version... a-and is done in modern English."  
Natsuki huffed. "...Alright, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i refuse to write an abridged shakespeare part, so dont get your hopes up about that


	14. Lent

That.  
Was.  
Fucking.  
Awful.  
It didn't help that I never really liked Shakespeare, but that was truly fucking awful. It all felt forced, and the idiots on stage? Sure, them talking in modern English helped me understand it a bit better, but something felt missing from the entire thing. The parts that were supposed to be "funny" in the original script were really awkward now. That entire play blew.

I looked over at Yuri, and remembered my place. She took us both here with her own money. Even if I didn't like it, I couldn't offend her.  
"That... was uh... int-"  
"Awful." Yuri huffed angrily. I fucking sputtered. What?! "It was so bad. There's a reason that you get actors who are in tune with the characters that they are portraying. They were not in tune and merely read the script. The modernized script did not help, either." The rain poured onto the umbrella, which Yuri was holding. She... she kept going off. She absolutely destroyed the entire performance.  
Partway through, she blinked and looked down at me.

"...Uh... s-sorry. I didn't..." Yuri's hands went for her hair, and for a moment I considered watching, maybe even playing with her hair-  
Save it for later.  
"Hey, don't worry! I thought it was pretty bad, too."

"B-But... you were going to sa-"  
"That it was 'interesting?' Yeah, right. I didn't want to offend you or... whatever. I-I mean, i-if you liked it-" Cool it, Nats. "I... ahem, i-if you liked it-"  
Garbage came out of my mouth, and I just stuttered over and over again. Why can't I form a fucking sentence?! Am I that inep-

Yuri's finger pressed to my lips.  
"You're embarassing yourself." She giggled. _ThiswasmusictomyearsholyshitIneededtomakeherlaughmorethisisheaven._  
"I-I. Uh." Her finger was warm, and smelt like her hair, unsurprisingly. _When she took it away from me, I wanted to grab it back and press a kiss to her ha-_

Something came over me. I felt my eyes roll over to the right.  
My fingers latched onto her hand.   
(WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, NATSUKI?)  
"A-Ah..." _I rubbed the back of her thumb, and Yuri gained a deep blush._  
"N-Natsuki... w-w-what are you... uh... um..."  
So this is what her hand feels like. It's so... warm. _So soft._

Blinking, I felt my entire face on fire, and I quickly abandoned her hand.  
"S-Sorry." In my mind, I zipped my mouth up and threw away the zipper. I refuse to say a word.  
"N-Natsuki? Wh-"  
I focused on just moving my legs, and keeping emotion off my face.  
"N-Natsuki...?"  
Sorry, Natsuki isn't available now.

"..."  
The walk back to the car had no conversation. No more discussing the awful play. Just awkward silence. How could I have done this?! Was I really this fucking dumb?! I need to get my shit together!

I felt warmth envelop my hand. Looking down, I saw Yuri's hand covering mine.  
The tension between us instantly vanished. But, something new filled the air.   
I didn't like it. It didn't feel right.  
Yuri's hand covered mine until we reached the car, and only then did she let go without a word.

My hand felt cold.

* * *

  
And so there I was, driving like nothing had happened. It'd been at least an hour since I grabbed Yuri's hand, and neither of us were going to mention it.  
So let's keep it that way.

"...You remember when Monika messaged your phone yesterday?" The road ahead was completely clear of other cars, and the rain was starting to ease up.  
"...U-Uh... yes... wh-what about it?"

"She told me that we should... write poems. For each other. B-Because, y'know, we're missing out on club time."  
"...T-That's... a good idea... I-I suppose."  
"So... do you wanna do it? I-It's not like I want to do it, anyway."  
"...Do you not... want to do it...?"  
"N-No! Uh. I mean... I-I don't really care if we do it or not. It's... up to you, I guess."

"Your input is important, however... I-I don't want to force you to do this."  
This conversation was starting to get on my nerves.  
"Do you want to do the damn thing or not?"  
"...I-I... uhm... a-a little bit..."  
"Then there it is. We're doing it." I huffed.

I looked over, and it looked like Yuri was trying to sink into her seat.  
I felt bad, but couldn't really do much about it. Not right now.  
"...What's the time?"  
"...U-Uh... 2 PM..."  
"Ugh... and how much longer until our next stop?"  
"...In 3 hours..."

I regret opting to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone wondering about the mention of natsukis eyes rolling to the right, its just something that happens to me sometimes when i make decisions  
> so i gave it to natsuki  
> :|


	15. Smithereens

Yuri: Monika.

Monika: Yes?

Yuri: Help.

Monika: ??  
Monika: With what?

Yuri: Natsuki.

Monika: What happened?!

Yuri: She held my hand. And then I held her hand later on.  
Yuri: I don't know what to do.  
Yuri: She hasn't talked about it and I'm not going to bring it up.

Monika: ...  
Monika: You two...  
Monika: Oh this is too funny  
Monika: I'm showing Sayo

Yuri: WHAT  
Yuri: NONONONONONONONO

Monika: sayori, at your service!!

Yuri: Sayori please give the phone back to Monika 

Monika: ooh i see   
Monika: ;)  
Monika: you two held hands!  
Monika: im glad to see that the trip is going well!!

Yuri: Sayori I swear to whatever god you believe in I will turn this car around and wring your neck if you don  
Yuri: shit  
Yuri: I'm so sorry. I was deleting that. It was out of line. I accidentally sent it.

Monika: its that bad, huh  
Monika: i forgive you, but :(  
Monika: onto the better topic though!  
Monika: you and natsuki  
Monika: have you two been fighting?

Yuri: No.  
Yuri: As the text above references, she held my hand for some reason, and minutes later I held her hand.  
Yuri: Now, neither of us are talking about it and I'm very confused on what to do   
Yuri: What if she didn't like me holding her hand  
Yuri: Oh fuck

Monika: calm down!!  
Monika: if she didn't like it, she would've blown up at you and made you let go  
Monika: you do know who we're talking about, right??

Yuri: You're right.  
Yuri: But what do I do about this? She's becoming distant.

Monika: talk to her!! you gotta be forceful with her!!  
Monika: maybe hold her hand again ;)

Yuri: That is the worst idea that I have ever heard.  
Monika: have you done the poem idea yet??

Yuri: Natsuki is driving currently.

Monika: uh  
Monika: idk then  
Monika: just talk to her!  
Monika: i realize im asking you of all people to "just talk" but you gotta  
Monika: if she doesnt want to talk, then she will make that known   
Monika: take the initative!

Yuri: ...  
Yuri: Okay. Thank you, Sayori. I apologize for lashing out at you.

Monika: i already forgave you!  
Monika: if anything you gotta apologize to monika  
Monika: when she sees what you said she is going to be capital p pissed!

Yuri: I fear for my life.  
Yuri: Farewell, Sayori.

Monika: bye! good luck!!

* * *

  
Sayori turned to Monika, who was looking over her shoulder, looking at the phone. The two had decided to hang out at Sayori's place.  
"...So, Sayori?" Monika asked.  
"Mmhm?"  
"You think they're..."  
"In love? Absolutely."  
"Yeah."

* * *

  
"...Uhm..."  
"Yeah?"  
"O-Oh... n-no, sorry."  
"...What is it, Yuri." I sounded exasperated. (Are you incapable of being nice around her, you shallow bitch?)  
But maybe that was the right move, as she sighed.  
  
"...Uh... h-have you ever read... a real book?"  
The bottom of my eyelid twitched. "What, you don't count manga as real books?"  
"N-No! I... I phrased that wrong. H-Have you ever read a... uh... novel? No pictures?"  
"...O-Obviously. Who do you think I am?"  
Really? I haven't read a single one. They didn't really capture my interest, while manga was always interesting to me. It provided visuals of a different, better world. (Compared to a certain one that you were living in before.)  
  
"Oh! W-What's your favorite one...?" Yuri sounds so excited that I "share" this interest with her.  
"...I..." I cleared my throat. "I have so many, that I can't name one."  
"I suppose I'm the same here... can you share your favorite genre, then?"  
"U-Uh." Shit. I couldn't fuck up here, not after I lied directly to her. Guilt hasn't set in yet, so that's a plus... for now. "Um... psychological horror?"  
(DID YOU HAVE TO PICK THAT ONE IN PARTICULAR?! THE ONE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT?!) It was the first one that came to my mind, okay?!  
  
Meanwhile, Yuri sounds ecstatic.  
"Really! That happens to my favorite, too. My favorite book is in that genre, being the Portrait of Markov. It's an excellent read that terrifies you. Have you read it? It is practically a necessary read if you're a fan of psychological horror."  
"Oh... uh, I haven't actually read it. It's obviously been on my radar for a while, but... y'know. Haven't had the time. Heh..."  
  
(Do you realize that you're just leading her on? How much of an asshole you're being right now?)  
My back starts to get sweaty. Who turned on the heater?  
"Well, I brought it with me. We can... um... read it, if you wish."  
I really want to say no. I really want to tell her to sod off.  
"Sure, if it's as necessary as you say it is."  
  
"Excellent. We can start tonight."


	16. Mamma mia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter may or may not have a certain character singing a song.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kewXtkGmDtw  
> im legally required to include this youtube link, otherwise i will be arrested and sent to jail.
> 
> also this is now explicit. welcome to the funny zone.

As the day winded down, me and Yuri fell into a comfortable silence. Some time ago, Yuri started using the aux cord, and music has been playing softly throughout the car for a while.  
Her music taste was definitely different from my own, being more on the quiet side of the spectrum. Not to say that was a bad thing, it definitely fits her, but part of me had expected her to be more... edgy, with her music. (Could you pick a better word than edgy?)  
All these quiet songs, though, have pretty depressing undertones. How does Yuri listen to this stuff without wanting to cry? Or is that the reason she listens to it?  
Thankfully, after a song change, the tone goes from depressive to more upbeat synth. This is the kind of stuff you would actually listen to on a roadtrip, and my fingers start tapping against the steering wheel, following the beat of the song.  
  
"...Do you like this song?" Yuri seems to have noticed my finger-tapping.   
"A little. It's more upbeat."   
"Hm... noted."  
Noted? Noted for what? Making a music profile based on things I say?  
The song proceeds to the chorus, and it's serviceable. As the song moved to the second verse, more and more synth was introduced. To be honest? The song kind of faded into the background for me, as it proceeded to the second pre-chorus.  
  
That was, until Yuri decided to throw a metaphorical wrench into my plans.  
 _"...Just one look and I can hear a bell ring... One more look and I forget everything..."_  
SHE STARTED FUCKING SINGING. WHAT?  
 _Her singing voice sounds nice._  
Stay. Focused. You're driving a car on a highway at high speeds.  
  
 _"...Mamma mia, here I go again_... _"_  
Goddamnit. You can do this, Natsuki. Just ignore Yuri's amazing singing voice.  
 _"My my, how can I resist ya?_  
She's quiet about singing. Does she not know that she's doing it? In that case, she's got to have a case of the "Really Fucking Weird". (You've got that too, seeing as you have a crush on that bimbo.)  
 _"Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I missed ya?"  
  
_ What if she's doing this on purpose? Did she pick this song, ask if I liked it, then if I did like it, start to sing?! No, she would've been stuttering over and over if that was her plan. Right?  
 _"Yeah, I've been brokenhearted... blue since the day we parted..."  
_ She sounds so... sincere about it. Maybe she is doing this on purpose.  
 _"_ _Why, why did I ever let you go?"  
Her voice really is beautiful.  
  
_No! There's no way she's doing this on purpose. I want to stop her, just to spare her the embarrassment of doing the full chorus.   
_But I wanted to hear her finish the song.  
_ The song's second chorus added new lyrics, and Yuri continued.  
 _"Mamma mia, even when I say... bye-bye, take me now or never...  
_ As much as I hate to even think about it, I'm hanging onto every lyric that comes out of Yuri's mouth. I'm... _enraptured._ (Note to self, never use that word in an actual conversation, freak.)  
  
 _"...Mamma mia, it's a game we play... goodbye doesn't mean forever_..."  
Yuri is starting to raise her voice with confidence. Has she done this before?  
 _"Yeah, I've been brokenhearted~!"_  
A shiver went down my spine. I'm... I'm gay for this woman. Holy shit.  
 _"Blue since the day we parted..."_  
  
I don't care about who thinks that's weird, or not okay.   
_"...Why, why did I ever let you go?"_  
I... I love Yuri. (Bitch.)  
 _"Mamma mia, now I really know... why I could never let you go...~"_  
As the song ended, Yuri's voice tapered off, going back to her normal volume.   
  
"...Yuri..."  
Yuri looked down at her feet, avoiding eye contact with me.   
"...Was... was that on purpose...?"   
She mumbled something.  
"...Say again?"  
"...Y-Yes..."  
  
"I-I... I know... my voice isn't-"  
"Yuri, that was fucking beautiful. Your singing voice, it... it's something else..." I pulled over to the side of the road, slowing down to a stop. "Honestly."  
Yuri's face exploded into red, and I felt a dull warmth in my own cheeks.   
"Ah... u-uhm. T-Thank... you..." Yuri started twirling her hair with her fingers. I felt... emboldened. 

* * *

I felt Natsuki's fingers touch my hair. My hand fell immediately from my own hair, and Natsuki just... played with my hair.   
"...This... this is beautiful too, you know...?"  
I couldn't respond. If I did, it would just be "ah's" and "uh's". This... this is a thing that friends do, right? Play with each other's hair?  
"...Really... everything else about you is beautiful, too..."  
That's... no, this is still friendly. Hopefully. I don't want to blow my cover, right here.  
  
"Remember that comment about... well... uh, your lips? I still mean it..." Natsuki's free hand went to my chin, and her thumb rubbed circles at the bottom of my lip.  
I felt my brain short-circuiting. Natsuki's other hand stopped twirling my hair, and started rubbing my scalp. A slight groan escaped my lips, Natsuki's touch felt electric. Shivers went down my spine several times. Surely, my face looks like a radish with how red it must be now. "They really are beautiful..."  
And then, the worst thing about this all: Natsuki kept eye contact. The entire time. I wanted to grab my bangs and cover my eyes, but I didn't. Natsuki's pink-tinted eyes stared into my own purple ones, and some part of me absolutely _loved_ this kind of attention.  
Natsuki's thumb went higher, and lightly pulled against my bottom lip. It yielded, and her fingernail pushed gently into my lip, a dull pain slowly forming. For a while, we sat like that, and with each passing second, I wanted to kiss Natsuki. I wanted to express how much I felt for her. My eyes felt unfocused, and I think I was panting a little.  
  
I'm not sure when, or who got closer to one another, but eventually our foreheads were nearly touching. I knew full well that Natsuki could hear my panting, but that only added to the magic of this situation. Natsuki's hands had gripped my cheeks, and I could tell that she was still looking into my eyes. My own vision, though, was hazy. Yet? I didn't care. It slowly dawned on my mind that I was aroused. Very aroused. My lower half felt very damp, and I only just noticed.  
I heard Natsuki's breathing. It... definitely wasn't even and calm. It was much like my own breathing. I wonder if she feels the same dampness that I do.  
"...Na-"  
  
Natsuki's lips connected to my own. A warm, tingly sensation set in across my body, spreading from my face down to my chest, and came to rest in my heart. My eyes closed involuntarily, and my perception of the world went from the car, to just Natsuki. Her lips tasted like... water. Or was that nothing? Her scent, though, I could pinpoint. She smelt like... baking ingredients. Even days of not baking anything, she seemed to just permanently carry the scent of ingredients with her. I wonder what I smell like. Surely like the lavender-related products that I religiously use.  
It was easy to tell that neither of us knew what we were doing, but it was still euphoric. The simple act of our lips pressing together came close to completing my life. But... I wanted more. I wanted more of Natsuki. I wanted to indulge _in_ Natsuki.  
  
My lips parted slightly, just enough to allow my tongue to prod against Natsuki's lips. After a second, I felt Natsuki's lips part as well. My tongue went into uncharted territory, and I was loving it. My tongue tangled with her own, playing with each other.   
I wanted _more,_ and it seemed Natsuki did too. Our seatbelts clicked, and we immediately closed the gap, Natsuki straddling me, bringing her arms around the back of my neck. My arms wormed their way to Natsuki's back, and my hands splayed out, rubbing her back. We deepened the kiss, our tongues untangling in favor of exploring each other's mouths. I wanted to know about every inch of Natsuki, and it seemed she shared the same feelings. My heart jumped as Natsuki's fingers started digging into the back of my neck. I moaned at the quick pain and pressure, yet more of it came. She kept digging her fingernails into the back of my neck, and I did nothing to stop it, simply reveling in the feeling.   
  
It was then, and only then, did I remember that we needed oxygen. I broke the kiss, a string of saliva connecting our mouths together. Our breaths were quick and shallow, and we stared at each other, somewhat in disbelief. A brief look at Natsuki's lips was all I needed to dive back in. I didn't want more. I **_needed_** more. I felt Natsuki's jaw move forward, and her teeth nipped my top lip. My hands went to the back of Natsuki's head, pushing her to get closer to me. Her fingers continued digging into the back of my neck, and I don't think I could verbally describe the feeling that this gave me. It felt like a primal urge to gorge myself on Natsuki. My hands found Natsuki's shirt collar, and I tried taking it off of her. She quickly broke the kiss after this, and I could only imagine the look on my face as she sat up.   
  
"...Yuri... haah... we... we... not now... we... we need to... keep going... I... we... yeah..." Natsuki flopped on top of me, her head resting on my shoulder.  
Right. I forgot we were going places.  
  
That urge... it never left. I wanted to rip off her clothing, and sate whatever urge this was. But she was right. We were going somewhere.  
I will sate this urge. Just not now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> horny


	17. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter one  
> oops

I sat on top of Yuri for... well, I don't know how long I sat there. The sun was setting when I finally raised my head, and Yuri was wide awake, looking at me.  
Thinking back, to when she had tried taking my shirt off... her eyes, they scared me. Her iris was massive. She was fully looking at me, and ready to get down to it...  
As much as I wanted to, her eyes had scared me. Enough to bring me to my senses. I cleared my throat, looking over Yuri's face. Her hair covered most of her face, and the beginnings of a smile played on her lips.

Looking at her eyes, I shivered. The iris's weren't massive like before, they were normal. But in my mind, I could easily imagine those eyes. Their piercing gaze... it looked like they were trying to devour me.   
"Natsuki... would you prefer if I drove? You look very tired."  
"Yeah... thanks to you..." I sighed. I felt much more relaxed than I did a few hours ago. In fact, this might be the most relaxed I've ever been in my entire life. (Which isn't saying much, you back alley slut.)

"Right. I'll drive. But... uh..."  
"Mm?"  
"You need to move..."  
"...Then you aren't driving for now." I felt my cheeks heat up. Did I really just...  
"Well... I have no complaints with that." Yuri reached out and pulled me into a hug. She's very warm. _Her boobs are in front of you._

Way to be classy, Inner Horny. I try to avoid thinking about Yuri's chest because... they're just so... big. (Compared to yours.)   
It's annoying, too. Yuri doesn't seem to notice how good she's got it with them. I'm flat as a goddamn board and unattractive, while she's busy with those two balloons and attractive as hell. Or maybe that's just the Inner Horny talking. Not sure.  
  
"Mmh. I'll get up..."  
Yuri released me from her hold, and for a solid minute, we wriggled around the car trying to get into our seats again.  
After that, we were finally situated in seats, not touching. It felt weird to be apart now. I felt like I just lost something integral, yet nothing's really wrong.  
  
I thought about the events that led to... well, _that_.  
I had started playing with her hair, which could've been seen as just a friendly gesture. She was obviously embarrassed about it... and then I complimented her lips.  
She didn't speak a word. I grabbed her chin, and rubbed circles below her lip, and eventually, I had her lip against my fingernail. I got closer to her face, and I could hear her panting.  
  
She obviously wanted it... did she... did she like me back? Or did she just get caught up in the moment? (What if you just sexually assaulted her, and she didn't want it?)  
That's... no. I'm not like that. Besides! She... she obviously liked it.  
But about her liking me back...? That's... that's a question for later.  
  
Some part of me hoped that she liked me back.


	18. hiatus

i apologize for the radio silence on my end, its entirely my fault.

a few weeks ago i became stuck and i couldnt write any more of this. i will return to this, whether it be in a week or a month, but just know that i will.

in the mean time, im working on some other projects, so maybe check them out when they show up.

thanks,

rhiner.


End file.
